Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Christian Baptism (10/18/07)
-
TITLE: Overheard at Grandpa's House | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sharon Henderson
10/23/07 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“Come on, Grandpa. The preacher is nice and the water is clean.”
“Ain’t not! Not unless’n I’m the firstest one in the tub. I ain’t goin’ in no water where them others done went in first. You knows I always go first on our weekly bath’n so’s the water is clean when I get in. Bein’ this old gives me that right … that’s for sure.”
“Grandpa! This is the church we are talking about. They have electricity and clean running water. They even have things called filters in the baptistery that removes any dirt that does just happen to get in.”
“Still I ain’t getting’ dunked. Dem Pescapalian’s don’t dunk. They just sprinkle. And. And. And they just sprinkle dem babies. They don’t be trying to baptize us old folk.”
“Grandpa, I don’t know what to do with you. You crack me up. You know Preacher Joe explained this to you last week. We’re talking about what’s called Believer’s Baptism. Since you accepted Christ as your Savior last year, you now need to follow Jesus’ example. Remember what Preacher Joe said? Getting in the water is doing like Jesus did with John at the River Jordan. When you stand there, you are representing being on the cross with Him. When you go under, you are representing being in the tomb with Him. When you come up, you are representing being revived like Him and when you walk out, you are representing the ‘new life’ you are now walking.”
“It ain’t mean all that. It just means that dem people at the church gets to stare at you and remember what a son-of-a, um, I mean, what a bad man I was all dem years when I spent all my days ‘n nights at Henry’s Bar. You know I really don’t miss those fellows. Ain’t one of them cared to talk to me a minute since I got the salvation Preacher Joe brung to me.”
“You mean the salvation Jesus gave you. Right?” Chuckles rippled between the men.
“Yeah, that’s what I’z mean.”
“Grandpa, if Jesus bled and died on a yucky, filthy cross in front of God and everyone, can’t you at least consider getting in the baptism water for Him?”
“Well, since ya put it that way and if all that other stuff you said about representing, if all that’s true and if it’s not just summin’ you made up, then I guess I can at least consider it.”
“That’s all I’m asking, Grandpa, that’s all I’m asking. Just consider it. You might want to decide soon though. Preacher Joe is coming up the drive to pick you up for the baptism service scheduled for tonight. I’m going to get some water. When I get back you can let me know what you decided….”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Good job making an interesting dialect understandable. :)
Laury
All-dialogue pieces are tricky. Readers could easily lose track of who's speaking, and dialogue tags or sentences containing narration are often a welcome relief. And some of this dialect didn't ring quite true; at least I couldn't place a region for it. Was there a particular reason you chose to write in dialect? Would the story be just as effective without it? Just a few things to think about.
All that aside, this was a delightful and entertaining read, with good character development.
You asked about ways to make dialect more readable. I've written a few dialect pieces (one was even about baptism) and I had someone very wise give me this advice. Choose a few key elements to give your reader a feel for the dialect, and you won't have to give them the whole nine yards. So you can keep standard grammar, but use dialectical idioms--or you can use regional grammar, but don't use phonetic spelling (like goin' or kinda), or you can choose the quirky spelling, but leave off the idioms and poor grammar. OR you can just pick a few key words and phrases that you're going to "change" from standard English, and leave off the rest.
My students are currently reading "Huckleberry Finn", which has 7 different regional accents. It was written by a master, but my kids are really struggling with the dialects. So your readers have less of a chore if you just give them a taste, not the whole buffet.
For the record, this is a really clever entry, and your writing skills are very much in evidence!
FYI all for any other readers, my relatives in the mountains of the deep south (USA) spoke just like 'grandpa' when I was growing up.
Thank you to each person who commented. I now want to write another regional piece with less dialect. :-)