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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Life (06/15/06)
(Substitution of the crucifixtion of Jesus for the conscience of the murderer)

Knives cut deep, deep enough that life ends with just a gaze. You can count a life in many different ways: a flick of a rock against a wall, a branch snapped off a tree, a sad relative that doesn't know to cry yet. One by one the lives you take are counted - you living for strength without that number that has fallen by your hand.

The life that was there last: that was a bad one. The man died dragging at the ground; a cruel man does that – he clutches for dirt, wondering what strength he can gain from the number of people the man ignored. You would never say that men deserve to enjoy that. That’s something you learn struggling with people as they die. Some choked, some find a way to live murdering the spirit of someone else.

Here I am, choking bad. The sun is hot. There they are. We are alive. I have left them but they have left me. That blood I can see is blood that I needed. Am I supposed to tell that it’s my blood? I feel like spitting at the sun.

I’ll tell that one something. Shorter. I’ve never… the thief doesn’t know anything… there are people who deserve to die more than others. The man rests, that is to a murderer what I would call quite amazing… I want to tell him that you can’t do that and be guilty. The wind was hot, I don’t care. They turn or they stand. I feel I’m there. The thief speaks aloud:

Being continued…

Enjoy, my brothers and sisters.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Trina Courtenay
06/27/06
Well the only way to learn is to get a critique. Watch your puncuation and typos. That said, with 750 wds to play with I know I sure would've like to see more. I thought you were off to a good start here but than you just ended it. Take heart, it's only my opinion.

Sorry to see that no one has left a comment on your entry.

I don't know if you know but there is a hinting/hunting game in the writing forum where you can post your hint & other members will read, (I pray they leave comments) or critiques. If this was the hint "opposite of life" that I found there, I'm glad that I looked through the list twice due to the fact that I was looking for the word "Death".

Blessings & Keep writing for the glory of HIM.
Trina<><
Helen Paynter
06/28/06
You have a very powerful way of writing, although at times it is tending to cloud rather than clarify. Real talent here, though. Keep writing.