I have no voice, nor one to hear me
How I long to scream the depth of what is inside
Nevertheless, words refuse to come
A finger laid across tender lips
With hissing, hushed, hot breath, whispered words…Shhh!
"Don’t say anything...ever. Tell no one."
Mostly, I haven't, mostly I don't.
But on the inside; the deep inside, is a scream
Pent up, locked in a watery grave.
Through the years the fear, tears and a scream,
Rising waters, an ocean at high tide welled up
Tidal wave of never ebbing flood,
Drowning in a scream, I've never screamed.
Now I'm silenced, expression locked in sinking tomb
Buried truth, on the surface lies float.
Wanted to scream, croaked out a whisper
An SOS garbled, confused, truth disguised.
A whisper becomes a foghorn’s wail.
Open mouth, one last attempt…swallow
Drowned in fathomless depths with ink colored swells
Tentacles hold blade to throat…”Silence!”
Hurt, blame, excuses choked behind sealed lips
I speak to the storm…will it obey? "Peace be still!”
Swallowed in the roar of an un-screamed scream,
Cries echo through my soul’s caverns.
Rock walls, dark, stone cold anger impenetrable,
No words will fill the bottomless-ness.
Voracious, abysmal emptiness
Soul like pit; ravenous for encouragement
A gnawing hunger for accolades of praise
Great gapping hole that growls, “Feed me.”
“Who uncovered that pit?” Unearthed its existence?”
A hideous meal for sea scavengers,
Fed with what does not satisfy
Comatose consumption…waking the gluttonous
And vomit…akin to Israeli quail
Leaks filled by the pitch of chocolate.
Cushioning against waves of disappointments,
Inadequacies and gross loneliness,
“Who pulled the plug?” Draining the muck of
Romance novels, soap operas, and busy works,
Self comfort swirling around, round and down.
Empty again…Never really filled,
An emptiness, which seems far greater than the first,
Chilled by the wind of futility,
Agonizing weight of anvil to sternum,
Vulnerability locked behind steely gate
Chained by hopelessness, with no rescuer
End the throbbing ache with a burial at sea.
“Swallow me once and for all.” Abandon!
Oh, to dive into its thunderous roar,
“Who weeps for me?” “What flashing spark this?”
Lightning, Thunder…Interrupter, “I AM, hears me?”
Mind filled pleas. “What flinty Rock is found here?”
“What steely lock?” A flash, iron strike, quick and gone,
Another persistent neon 'thwack',
Clanking metal, creaking hinge, open door,
“Swim up!” Escape and breathe the air.
Finally, release, a propelled buoy shouts…
While the anchor sinks with the un-screamed scream.
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