Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: CROWD (07/06/17)
-
TITLE: STAND OUT | Previous Challenge Entry
By Success Olaleye
07/13/17 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Sitting by my study table, I recalled what happened in my office earlier today.
Phil had brought a document for me to sign. Being the honest and meticulousl financial accountant of the Eunice Construction Firm that I was, I carefully went through the document and was taken aback by what I saw.
A second time, my colleagues desired that I be a part of a fraudulent act.
The last time, I'd decided not to mention this to the boss. I only rejected the offer and advised my colleagues to desist from such act.
Angrily, I stood up and walked to the managing director.
I explained things to him.
Only then, did I realize what was happening.
It was a test!
My boss was testing my claims as a Christian.
I passed and I was prompted.
I'm glad because I didn't bring shame to the body of Christ.
I proudly represent Christ as I say No to corruption.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Red Ink: I feel like the account could have used more description about the inner conflict and thoughts of the main character.
Well done,
Blessings~
Just by adding these details it adds tension and creates a vision for the reader. (The parts between the <i> would show up in italics and indicate the MC's thoughts.)
I think the conflict is compelling. It pulled me in right away and I was totally intrigued.
I'm not sure you nailed the topic, but I think I see where you were going. In my head, I'd think of pressure or ethics, but I can also see crowd as a type of pressure so you definitely were headed in the right direction. Again, by adding more details I think you could have shown that pressure even more.
The best part of this is the message. Every day we are tested, especially in today's world. People expect Christians to be beyond reproach. I'm glad the MC didn't succumb to temptation.
I'd love to challenge you to read and comment on every entry in this level and then do at least 5 in levels 3 and 4. We often forget that readers, not writers, are our audience and you have a lifetime of reading experience so you are qualified. You have some serious raw talent here. By finding out what works for you (or doesn't), you'll be able to tweak those things in your own writing. When I first started writing here, I noticed I didn't care for the mysterious stranger endings. By seeing it in someone else's story, I learned to stop using it in my own stories.
I also liked your story because it made me stop and wonder how I would have handled it. I'm sure it wouldn't have been as graceful as your MC. This is great because it showed me something I need to work on. God definitely has great plans for you. I believe you have touched many hearts and likely in ways you can't even imagine. You are being obedient, and when we do that it glorifies God in wonderful ways. I'm eager to read more of your work.