Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Elephant in the Room (12/05/13)
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TITLE: What More Do You Need? | Previous Challenge Entry
By James Cox III
12/12/13 -
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He swung his legs over the side of the bed and groggily stood up. The night before capped the end of another 15hour workday. He made his way to the bathroom, washed his face, brushed his teeth, took care of “morning” business and jumped in the shower. After he got dressed, ate a hasty breakfast, he jumped in his hybrid car and took off for work. It was a beautiful fall morning in the northeastern part of the United States. The breeze was starting to get crisp and the trees were dressed in the brightest variations of color the eye could imagine. It was evident by the flight of the geese and other birds heading south that a bitterly cold winter was not too far away. But such was life in these parts and the people and the animals were quite used to it. As he drove along, he daydreamed back to last winter and remembered how beautiful the snow was as it blanketed the woods near his home. Ahh, fall led to winter, winter ushers in spring, spring gives way to summer and on and on and on. He loved it but most people took for granted the differences of the seasons. He arrived at work about a half hour later, grumbling only slightly, thankful to be employed at all, sat down in his cubicle and starting crunching those numbers all over again. How long until lunch he thought?
This was a quick snapshot in the day in the life of the average person in the world today, man or woman. Buried in the mundane habits and rituals we can find the blessings of a loving, wonderful, THOUGHTFUL GOD! We lay down to sleep at night and for the most part, never give a second thought to what goes on around us and inside us, yet your GOD does. Your body heals itself, replenishes dead or dying cells, the heartbeat slows slightly, the lungs continue to pull air in and push it back out, food is digested, nutrients are distributed, dreams and ideas are created, problems are worked out, kids grow a little more, adults conserve energy. The wonderment is the lungs and heartbeat DON’T STOP. Most people don’t fear dying because the body shuts off. It does not and we awake because of His grace and mercy. We awake and the body immediately shifts into “move out” gear. Eyes, the cameras and telescopes of our body, meticulously created by our GOD focus (as best they can without glasses or contacts) and our body goes about its business. Legs move, arms reach, and brains start “thinking more” if there is such a thing. As we drive along, we take in the beauty of our surroundings no matter where we are. Seasons change and leaves on trees transform because our GOD created chemicals that react to light and temperatures fluctuations, we see the result in the form of red, gold, or even orange. Our beautiful planet is tilted precisely at 23 ½ degrees towards the Sun, ensuring an even heating and cooling of the entire Earth, with some places experiencing the beauty of the seasons! Scientists tell us, just ½ a degree either way and life on this planet would not exist at all, it would be too hot or too cold. Most people give no thought to the Hand of our Master in everything that exists but it’s there, right in front of us. All we have to do is stop, look and listen.
Colossians 1:16,17 “for by Him were all things created that are in Heaven and that are on the earth….all things were created by Him and for Him and He is before ALL things and by Him all things consist”
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The body of your article was a panorama of living with knowledge.
Well put together and a good reminder to each of us.
A couple quick tips: Shorter paragraphs and more white space will invite more readers.
Show how what the main character is seeing is affecting them, through body postures, expressions, breathing, etc. Beholding breathtaking beauty: by eyes widening accompanied by a gasp, etc.
I hope to read much more from you. You definitely have a knack for writing.
Please "throw a brick" for others to enjoy, comment and support your writing:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=37705
Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Love & Hugs in, through and because of Jesus, the Christ,
Judi Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
You may want to consider breaking the paragraphs into three or four little ones, especially with a piece this size, long paragraphs may overwhelm the reader. I'd love to have heard more thoughts from the average Joe. By putting it in italics it would stand out more. For example:
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and groggily stood up. Rubbing his back he moaned softly. Man these fifteen hour workdays are doing a number on my sore muscles.
That way you're using internal dialog to show the reader and develop the character.
This is a beautiful devotion. I have had a death phobia my whole life. Your words comforted me. How wonderful it will be to not just go on automatic. Congratulations on well-written piece. I look forward to reading more of your work in the new year.
Over the break, check out Jan's Writing Basics in the forums. She gives excellent advice and has many threads that are helpful for all levels of writers.
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67