The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/07/13
This was a pleasant read with valuable information for parents concerning their responsibilities towards their children. Also a well written and enjoyable tale!

Nicely done.

God bless~
11/07/13
I really enjoyed the characters in the story. I liked the dialogue between Grandma and Grandpa and the title.

I noticed several spelling and grammatical errors, so it might help to have another pair of eyes read it over before submission. For example, the Your in your title should be spelled with the contraction, You're.

Keep writing, I think you have a real gift for storytelling.
Good fiction is what could have happened anyway.

Well written story. I liked the time-line. It seemed easy to follow.

Memories are made for us to write about and even embellish.

Keep writing.
This is a sweet trip down memory lane. Oh how I delight in the old sayings from my family. I pass them on to my kids and have no doubt that they will pass them on too.

You have a great start at working on letting the dialog build the characters and suspense. Just take it to the next level. Take this line: Grandpa told her that ‘Pigs might fly’ before she would get her license. My mom did not think that this was real funny.
Just by switching it up some, you could do something like this: Grandpa raised his right eyebrow as crinkles raced across his red face. "Pigs'll fly 'fore you get yar license!"

With tears filling her eyes, Mom stomped off to her bedroom, slamming the door just in case Grandpa didn't realize how upset she was.

I did take some liberties to show you how dialog can build the characters and paint the reader a picture.

You have a great start on it. Keep writing and reading and your writing will blossom from good to outstanding. You took me back into my own field of memories. It was just what I needed today--to frolic in my past. Thank you for that gift.

If you haven't heard of Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards, check it out. Jan gives great tips to all levels of writers. God bless.
You have a gift for story telling and this was a fun read. I echo what others have said about taking your work to the next level. For example, "accept" should replace "except" to eliminate a bobble for the reader. Keep writing and you will get there.
11/11/13
I agree with the other comments. You are a great storyteller. Keep up the good work!
11/14/13
Very nice to read this inspiring story. Your words seemed to flow from the page and into our hearts. I liked the short paragraphs makes it easier to read. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more of it.