Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black Sheep of the Family (10/03/13)
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TITLE: The Window of Life | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janet Kelly
10/10/13 -
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I stand looking through the window of life. I feel as if I am on the outside looking in. I view your life from a distance that I wish was not there. Through the panes in the window I see parties and pageants; sleepovers and proms.
I hear laughter and singing; playing and fun. I long desperately to be a part of the family but distance once again rears its ugly head. It is as if you have placed an invisible barrier between us. I am allowed only to come so far into your life.
What exactly is it that separates us? You do not have time for me. You are busy with so many things! I would just like to spend a little time alone with you. I want to be included in the things that you do. Instead I feel like an intruder who is crowding your space. I cry myself quietly to sleep, missing so much of you. This is not the way a family should be. I feel like the black sheep of the family.
We were supposed to share all of life together. I was going to grow old as you grew up. I watched you play, kissed your hurts away. I would have tea parties with you and we would play dress up too. When you got older we would shop till we dropped What fun that would be. We shared birthdays and holidays and some good conversation.
As you grew up, I had visions of grandchildren running everywhere. They would run and play under my feet , stopping long enough to check the cookies baking in the oven. Then we would sit out on the porch swing and tell stories for hours. There would be ballgames in the yard and picnics too. And our favorite time of all would be a trip to the zoo.
I expected life to be busy and fun. I looked forward to watching them grow. I dreamed of tents and sleeping bags with pancakes for breakfast.
I am not sure when it started, this gap between us. It seemed small and insignificant at first. You were busy, I could understand that. But the gap became wider and deeper. I wanted to stop it but I could not find a way. I felt so helpless while you were pushing me away. I was not sure I understood why. Were you embarrassed, ashamed or you simply did not care?
So the distance between us continues to grow. I stare through the window of your life and watch you pass by. I just want you to take notice of me. I do not like being the black sheep of the family.
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It would be interesting to know when you thought of turning it around. Sometimes things like this just "happen" as we write.
Sad but enjoyable reading.