Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black Sheep of the Family (10/03/13)
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TITLE: Dear Lost One | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sheriena McEvers
10/08/13 -
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We miss you. You have isolated yourself from your family. You have separated yourself from those who love and care about you. Do you consider yourself the black sheep of the family? We did not cut you off. We want to share your life – the good and the bad. We have been here in the shadows of your world wishing to be a part of your life.
Why did you leave us? Did you feel rejection? We did not reject you. It is true that we did not approve of some of the choices that you made, but we always liked the person that is inside you. Yes, your choices were not what we would have wanted for you, but we still loved you. I know that you felt our disapproval of your choices. But, we still cared about you. We don’t want to be cut off from your life.
Did you know that no matter how we age physically we are still that small girl or boy inside that we were years ago. Our inner self doesn’t change. We are who we are. So please know that we still love that person inside of you. You are not a black sheep. If you come back to us rest assured that your life will be safe with us. We are family. You are safe with us. Open up and share yourself with us. You may be afraid to share the darker side, but we are here to listen and help. You can trust us. Please come back. We miss you.
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The only thing I would point out is that you had some repetition, for example you use the word rejection and choices a couple of times in a short space. Just mix it up a little bit to keep the reader fully invested. You don't need to use the words of the topic to be on topic. For me personally, it would have been even more powerful had it started out Dear Son.
You did such a wonderful job of expressing the love that every person needs no matter how old. This was spot on topic and powerful. There is much truth in your words and I have no doubt God will use this letter in ways you may never imagine. Great job.
If you would outline the main points of this letter, you would find between 3 and 5 main points. These could be the paragraphs you would have. This might eliminate some of the "saying/meaning" the same thing as expressed in the original letter.
Many may be able to use something like this for their own use.