The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 187 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
09/12/13
I love this story and the advice sprinkled throughout on how to help people improve their "swing." What a great lesson for us all (no matter what side of the bat we're standing on)!
Good story. It flowed well, good lesson to be learned. It was a nice setting to teach such a lesson.

Don't we all need to learn lessons like this or be reminded of them.

Just for practice, write a short story of what happened to cause Bobby's improvement.

That would be interesting.
I love this! Are you positive you are a "beginner"? This is so well written, the spacing is excellent, and the theme right on target.

I expect to see at least a ribbon for this . . .
I love this story. You showed the conflict right off and it immediately pulled me into the story. I also really liked the name, Jersey. It's different, but also seems fitting that he might be a baseball expert.

I noticed a couple of times that you forgot the end quotes (though I thought your dialog flowed nicely.) I also wasn't sure who the MC was. I thought it might have been his mom, but then wondered at the end.

I think you did a fantastic job of pulling it all together in the end. Often, people struggle with a satisfying ending because of the word count, but you handled it expertly. You also nailed the topic. It was fresh and interesting. You wrote it in a way that the topic wasn't overused, yet the story was based on experts, both in baseball and in the human nature. I really enjoyed this, it's one of my favorites so far this week.
09/23/13
During the break in the Weekly Challenge schedule, I’d like to invite you to the FaithWriters forums, where I’m holding a weekly free “class” in various writing strategies. Participation is strictly voluntary, but I give free and timely feedback on all contributions. I’d love to have you drop by! http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67