Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Example (07/25/13)
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TITLE: C U L8R | Previous Challenge Entry
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07/25/13 -
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The click, click, click of Nurse Donna’s pen in my ear is nerve–wrecking. Her perfume is familiar and distracting. Its overpowering scent of eucalyptus reminds me of a nursing home I once visited. She sounds young but smells old. I hope my perfume doesn’t make other people feel that way. I’d hate to know that I was known as the “stinky girl”.
The clack, clack, clack of her heels on the linoleum floor tells me she is slightly overweight. Thank goodness she is walking away from me. She is in the hall now with the Dr. Lightfoot laughing about something she saw on television last night. I never heard him leave the room.
“Mrs. Boudain, your daughter is in a coma.” Dr. Lightfoot didn’t delay about it when he told her.
Great! Thanks, Doc. Now you made my Mom cry. Obviously he doesn’t know Mom because if he did, he would know that she cries at dog food commercials and greeting cards. I didn’t think I’d ever get her to stop crying last week when we watched some movie about lost lovers reuniting after war. To say Mom is dramatic and emotional would be an understatement.
“We are going to begin some sensitivity testing tomorrow morning. We will start with administering needles to her feet first and see how that goes.”
You have got to be kidding me. I’m in a coma and they are going to jab me with needles? I can hear you, Doc. I hope you know that I may kick you. I hate needles. Mom knows how I hate needles. Speak up, Mom. Please!
“Doctor, is there something else you could do? She hates needles.”
Way to go, Mom. For once you took up for me on something. Not like last night when Dad jumped all over me for trying to help a friend. I was telling the truth but no one ever believes me.
The shuffle, shuffle, shuffle of Mom’s feet tells me she is coming my way. She must have been cooking breakfast when the police called her this morning because she smells like bacon. I love bacon. Dad probably ate it all. He can be a pig sometimes. No pun intended.
“Mrs. Boudain, you may have as long as need. Stay the night if you’d like. I’ll get you some pillows and a blanket.”
Nurse Donna clicks and clacks her way out of the room. Mom is crying again. This time she is lying on top of me getting me wet with her tears. I’m not a crier but even this makes me sad. I wish I could hug her.
“Oh, baby. Look at you. I’ll take care of those right now, especially if they are going to be poking and prodding you there in the morning.”
What is she doing now? Ah, I know. I smell fingernail polish. She is painting my toenails. Mom knows me well. She knew I’d just die if someone messes with my feet and they aren’t looking their best. Did I shave my legs? Oh, no. I don’t remember. Mom, I hope you have a razor handy. Does leg hair grow when a person is in a coma? I’ll have to Google that on the internet one day.
“Mrs. Boudain, I’m Mitch from Teen Services. I’m real sorry about your daughter. I’m giving a presentation today at Missy’s school on the dangers of texting while driving and was wondering if I could share this event with the students. Since they know Missy, it could really make a big impact on them and perhaps save lives.”
Mitch. Mitch. Mitch. I know you. You came to my class a few weeks ago and talked to us about drunk driving. I bet now you wish you had chosen a different topic, huh? So, Mom, what do you say? Can he talk to my friends?
“I suppose that would be okay. If her accident can help save a life then it’s worth it. Please don’t tell them her room number though. Not yet. The doctor isn’t sure if…well, you know.”
Know what, Mom? That I might die? Oh no. I can’t die, not now. I’ll see you later. I promise. I’ll wake up.
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I wouldn't be at all surprised to find this in the winner's circle.
Seriously, this was an amazing story that pulled me in IMMEDIATELY.
Your wit, and engaging internal dialogue made me smile. Although it was witty, and offered moments of levity, it pounded an important message into the brain, of the serious consequences of texting while driving.
It was a fresh way of approaching the topic. There is no bigger example than a young teen in a coma from texting.
Excellent! This will catch the attention of the judges for sure.
God bless~