In January, I asked God to personalize His love for me. The previous year I endured the pain of betrayal and heartache in relationships. So, I knew with God and Rosheeda-my best friend of almost a decade- I could face what lied ahead in 2013.
Then, one spring afternoon, my life changed in the blink of an eye. God chose to call my beautiful sister to her eternal home in Heaven.
It has been a little over 3 months since Rosheeda- my confidante, spiritual sister, and loyal best friend-suddenly died in a car accident and transitioned into Heaven.
Next to Jesus, she was the only friend who truly knew and understood me. She was kind, thoughtful, considerate, and non-judgmental. My words, nor my actions surprised her, nor stopped her from choosing to love me unconditionally. When I was at my worst, she saw my potential, and pushed me hard to do my best to be the woman God created me to be. I would not be the woman I am today without her.
Rosheeda knew I did not find it difficult making friends; I just had a hard time picking the right people to be my confidantes. Due to my lack of discernment, I became lonely.
With this knowledge, she would call me every day on her way home from work to check on me. We would voice our frustrations to each other about our lives. She was always my voice of reason. I was her “resident goof ball.”
At times, life was overwhelming for both of us. However, she demonstrated an even-tempered disposition. She perfectly balanced toughness and strength with God’s grace, mercy, and discernment.
In October 2012, Rosheeda encouraged me to meet new people. She told me I needed to expand my circle of friends and cultivate new relationships. I did not want to do so. I feared being rejected, and that our friendship would be jeopardized. She assured me that she loved me and would always protect me.
After this affirmation, I faced my fears and started living by going out and expanding my circle of friends.
At this point in my life, my heart was full of joy. I was content with the life God gave me, and considered myself blessed and highly favored by Him.
Shortly before Rosheeda died, we had a conversation. She thought by the tone of my voice something was wrong. I convinced her nothing was wrong. I was actually excited because of my new friends. I actually believed God was moving on my behalf. She giggled, and said “Good, I’m happy.” Not long after this conversation, God saw fit to allow her to transform from being human to a Guardian Angel.
After she died, my livelihood was affected as well. Almost 2 weeks after her death, I was involuntarily released from my job. I endured so much there. With Rosheeda’s encouragement, I applied for a promotion within the company. I believed God was going to reward me for my obedience to Him. Obviously, I was wrong, but God has been faithful. As I am seeking employment, he is providing for my needs as He heals my broken heart.
As life overwhelmed me, I was vulnerable and lonely. I chose my confidantes without seeking His guidance first. However, with God’s grace and wise counsel, I realized I was jumping the gun. Now, I have chosen to step back, and wait for God to give me an expansion of trustworthy confidantes. I believe in His time, He will reveal to me a handful of people who will make the choice to unconditionally love me enough to have my best interest at heart.
I am coming to the realization I will never stop missing Rosheeda until we are reunited in Heaven. In the meantime, she lives on in my heart.
I must admit, without her physical presence, my world is so much lonelier. However, I know I am never alone because God will never leave, nor forsake me.
I have been in this season of hardship for a little over 3 years. I know I will get through it. I believe God knows it is necessary for the development of my character; and essential for the preparation of the expansion of my territory He has in store for me. Once I do get to the other side of this season, I will rejoice in the Lord, and I know I will not be rejoicing alone.
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