The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/26/13
Nice story..interesting take on the topic. I enjoyed this.

Spacing between the paragraphs would make it much easier to read. Otherwise, Great job!
05/27/13
Cute story and an original approach to the topic at hand. I enjoyed this piece with special moments interlaced with the characters. Nice job.

God Bless~
I really enjoyed this story of blessings and how some blessings were little while others are huge. You did a nice job of showing if something is important to us, then it's important to God.

One thing I would suggest is to brush up on some of your punctuation rules, especially with quotation marks. You should have a period or a comma at the end of most dialog. I often use Elements of Style by Strunk and White. Also instead of using taglines like he said or she answered you can use narrative lines instead. If you do use taglines, then try staying with he said instead of ones like she shouted or he exclaimed. By using narrative lines, not only can you show who is speaking, but give them insight into the MC's emotional state. For example: “Yes, Jessica That's right.” John stared at Paul while raising his right eyebrow.
I did a few things with this example: I made "that is" into a contraction as that sounds more natural. I added a period at the end of the dialog, inside the quotation marks and omitted the line John stated. Finally I tried to show the reader what a silencing look might look like.

I think you did a delightful job of writing on topic. Your message is clear and important. I also enjoyed how in the beginning you started with an air of mystery that intrigued me and made me want to keep reading. Good job!