The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 214 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a delightful read. You had me smiling throughout this inner turmoil that your poor MC endured. I'm not a chocolate person myself, but I was hooked on rice cakes and honey so I totally get it.

One thing you may want to be aware of is how many times you used the words Ding Dong. I know part of it was for effect, but I think it was overdone just a tiny bit and you may want to substitute some other words like pastry or even something benign like it. Another thing to reduce a bit is the exclamation points and the repeat question marks. You have some excellent word choices, allow the words to do your exclaiming for you.

I think you did an awesome job of writing on topic. Though this was done in a comical way, I couldn't help but think this is an awesome story to demonstrate bulimia or other eating disorders. It's a way to draw attention to the fact that some people do actually go through what your MC went through on a regular basis and while that isn't funny stories like this are a great way to start discussions with young girls (and guys)about the dangers of eating disorders and binge eating. I think this article will touch people in ways that you may never have dreamed of and I think you did a great job with it. I look forward to reading more of your work. You feel like a natural to me. :)
05/26/13
Great take on the topic. I almost used this take myself. Good story, good writing.

Spaces between the paragraph make it much easier to read.

Otherwise, good job!
05/27/13
Hahahahahahahaha.....This was so funny, and it was right on topic! Hahahahahaha...I am a chocolate lover, and can relate to this clever piece!

Loved it...God bless~