Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ding-Dong (05/16/13)
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TITLE: The Addict | Previous Challenge Entry
By Cheryl Palmer
05/22/13 -
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Ding Dong. No, it is not Avon calling. Sorry if you are disappointed. My precious Ding Dong. Oh how I have craved thee. I must have been out of my mind when I decided to do without my beloved chocolate and most of all my Ding Dong. First thing in the morning, before I did anything, I had to eat a Ding Dong. After I went to the bathroom and took a shower, I had to eat a Ding Dong. Then I brushed my teeth. Then eat another Ding Dong. I was addicted and this had to stop! I had only been awake for 45 minutes and I had already eaten three.
So this called for a strategic plan. No more chocolate! Wait! That is too drastic. No more chocolate for 30 days! There, that’s better. Surely I can handle that! After all, it’s just one short month! So I quickly downed the remaining box of Ding Dongs so I could start my plan. I dressed and left for work so pleased that I was making good changes in my life.
When I got to work, my co-worker was eating a Ding Dong! Guess he didn’t get the memo! Can you believe the gall? I wanted to take that Ding Dong and shove it down his throat. Okay. I’m lying. I wanted to grab that chocolate cream filled cake and shove it down MY throat. What was wrong with me? I had just eaten an ENTIRE box of Ding Dongs! How could I possibly want another one?
I’m strong. I can do this. It’s ONLY thirty days. THIRTY DAYS???? What was I thinking??? NO! I am strong. I am going to succeed! I am going to come out of this a victor! Immediately I settled down and began working. That lasted maybe 10 seconds. I could not get my mind off that Ding Dong. I forced myself to concentrate on the work that lay on my desk. What am I going to do for lunch? I always eat a Ding Dong with my lunch. Work. Work. Work… I must work.
Okay I can’t take it anymore. I get up from my desk and go to my co-worker’s desk. I grab his box of Ding Dongs. He shouldn’t have left them in plain sight. Right? Of course a major conflict ensued, but I was determined. Plus I could run faster - although, if I kept eating this many Ding Dongs that would NOT be the case. I ran into the women’s restroom! YES! The restroom! Who in their right mind eats in a restroom? A woman who doesn’t want her male companion to take away his box of Ding Dongs –that’s who! I began tearing the package open like it was Christmas. I shoved that cake in my mouth like I was a crazed maniac! And the noises that were coming out of my mouth were just plain embarrassing. There I was opening one package after another until I had consumed the remainder of the box. I looked in the mirror. I definitely was not Sleeping Beauty. Chocolate was smeared all over my mouth, my cheeks, my hair, my shirt… I practically had to take another shower. But I was happy. Guess my 30 days will have to start tomorrow.
1 This work is completely fictional unless there actually is a chocolate Ding Dong fanatic. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.
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One thing you may want to be aware of is how many times you used the words Ding Dong. I know part of it was for effect, but I think it was overdone just a tiny bit and you may want to substitute some other words like pastry or even something benign like it. Another thing to reduce a bit is the exclamation points and the repeat question marks. You have some excellent word choices, allow the words to do your exclaiming for you.
I think you did an awesome job of writing on topic. Though this was done in a comical way, I couldn't help but think this is an awesome story to demonstrate bulimia or other eating disorders. It's a way to draw attention to the fact that some people do actually go through what your MC went through on a regular basis and while that isn't funny stories like this are a great way to start discussions with young girls (and guys)about the dangers of eating disorders and binge eating. I think this article will touch people in ways that you may never have dreamed of and I think you did a great job with it. I look forward to reading more of your work. You feel like a natural to me. :)
Spaces between the paragraph make it much easier to read.
Otherwise, good job!
Loved it...God bless~