The Official Writing Challenge
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Oh wow this is an incredible bit of writing. Human trafficking is not an easy subject to write or read about, but it is a reality for far too many young girls. People need to be made aware and your story will do just that.

You do an excellent job of showing the reader, but I noticed a few passive lines that could be changed into active ones quite easily. For example: A brush was picked up and ran quickly through her hair.
could become: Picking up the brush, she quickly ran it through her hair.
It's a tiny detail, but will pull the reader in a bit more as they can actually picture her running the brush through her hair. Your next line with the trembling is an excellent example of showing her fear instead of telling.

You have some awesome gift in storytelling. You made the ding-dong almost into an actual character signifying that a night of horror is about to start. That's a great job of writing on topic. Well done from beginning to end. This is one of my favorites, even though it is so heartbreaking.
05/27/13
Powerful, meaningful, explosive in emotional terms, and completely sobering to realize this goes on in a world that has become darker by the second. But, how wonderful to see that she looked at the "BIBLE" and realized that in there was hope, and so that gave the MC a "way out" and the reader "a sigh of relief" as we can draw our own conclusions.

Excellent piece of writing.

God bless~
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