Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sizzle (05/02/13)
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TITLE: A Sizzle In Draught. | Previous Challenge Entry
By Olawale Ogunsola
05/08/13 -
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Although she wrestled the word of God that called her into the Gospel ministry for a season, she finally bowed to the will of God; after loosing her textile business to an inferno.
One afternoon, the foodstuff in the store was exhausted.
No dinner was taken that day but they went to bed hoping for the following day.
After the morning prayer, the children, who consistently, yawned, chorussed "Mummy, we want to eat rice and dodo (fried plantain) this morning."
"I understand that you're hungry. I've planned to buy a pack of custard powder for you from our neighbor on credit."
"No mummy! We want rice and dodo!"
"Okay, okay! You'll eat them, set fire on the kerosine stove, put water in a clean pot; place it on the fire," she instructed Bobo, the oldest,
"Heeee! Mummy o! Thank you!"
"Now listen! I'm going into my room. Nobody should disturb me at all. Is that clear?"
"Yes mummy." the younger ones agreed.
"But mummy, where is the rice?" Bobo stamped his feet on the ground and flapped his hands.
"Go, do what I asked you to. Rice will come."
She went into the room, knelt by her bedside with hands spread before God, praying:
"Lord, thanks very much for your presence in all my trials. I'm also gratefull that you've put these children into my care. They're yours."
After a pause to wipe tears, she continued, "Yesterday, You, in love, arranged that we had no dinner; thank You for this also."
She took a deep breath and presented her request gently but repeatedly "Lord, Your children are asking You to provide them rice and dodo as breakfast, give them."
As this spiritual wrestling went on, Bobo remained in the kitchen.
The younger children became minute-by-minute reporters of events in the "power-house", one after another.
"Mummy, we have put water in the pot and is on stove." the girl jubilated.
"Mummy, the water is warm."
"Mummy, it now sizzles."
"It now grumbles."
All these while, Marie continued saying the same thing before the Lord.
At a point in time, she heard the smooth sizzle of a passing car that later pulled up in front of her house.
The door-bell ranged and Bobo went to open for Brother Teeman who came to see his mother.
"Mummy! You have a visitor!" Bobo announced, frowning.
She rounded off her prayer with "Thank You Lord for answering my prayers."
She opened the door to join the fellow.
"Good morning ma!"
"Good morning bro and how was your family?"
"Not fine and that's why I'm here!"
As he began to explain what went wrong, a young woman came in holding a shopping bag by her left hand and a container on the other.
She was a close family friend.
"Sister Ruth, you're welcome. How was the family?"
"We're fine ma!"
She headed for the kitchen.
"Bobo, why are you here, alone?"
"We told mummy to prepare rice and dodo for our breakfast..." he started sobbing.
"Don't cry, here are rice, plantain, eggs and two-litre bottle of vegetable oil.
He stared in unbelief but managed to display a dry smile.
Soon, the rice was ready,
Marie didn't know what was going on untill the oil was hot enough to hear a gentle sizzle as Ruth began to drop slices of plantain into it.
She became more convinced as Ruth stirred and allow them sizzle for a few moment to release the aroma which enveloped the kitchen and penetrated into the sitting room.
Marrie became wide-eyed as her mouth dropped open as bro. Teeman sneezed repeatedly.
The man left after giving her $5000 only.
"Mummy, can I set the table?" Ruth asked.
All that Marie could utter was "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish infinitly more than we might ask or think."
Note.
Scripture quoted is from New Living Translation (c)2007:
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You had some minor errors that a proofreader would catch like in the second paragraph, there shouldn't be any punctuation after the word after.
I can tell you are working on showing. The line when the child stamps his foot is an excellent example. Actually I may have started with that because a good action line will pull the reader in faster. Another way to show is instead of using taglines like the girl jubilated or she agreed or he said would be to show the reader with narrative lines. For example: "Oh goody!" The little girl clapped her hands and jumped up and down.
Overall you did a nice job with this. The message is a great one that we all need reminding of from time to time.
There are a few grammar and spelling errors.
My favorite part of the story comes when Marie gives thanks to God even when He does not provide dinner for the family. A real statement of faith!