The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/26/13
Such a realistic and awesome story to read. I love the outcome.
Oh this is delightful. You did a grand job of building the suspense. I thought for sure she was changing her grades! I'm not surprised by endings as often as I would like and am delighted when I am.

Tiny red ink, okay should be spelled out or both letters capitalized.

Like I said you did a great job with the ending. I worry that some readers who are rushing might not catch that a gunshot made her blind. You give great clues in retrospect and that makes the twist even more thrilling. I know part of the problem of not going into the story of how she became blind was due to the word count. That's always hard to know what to cut, I've had to chop 1,000 words or more when I first started the challenge. perhaps less time in the office would have allowed a flashback to the click of the trigger.

You did a great job of weaving the topic in this story. You also did a nice job of building your MC and making her feel real to me. Suspense is definitely your forte!

If you're interested in getting more feedback, check out the brick-throwing thread on the message boards: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947&sid=9bf86fd740f6a3f9ea7b0dc030505a40
Breathtakingly suspenseful! This is a wonderful perspective on this week's topic . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
A fitting title, escalating suspense and a great finish.I thought the story started a little slow,but you kept my attention anyway. Well done.
05/01/13
Great entry! I like how you set us up for your MC to be blind without giving us that detail right away. My only red ink may or may not apply. I'm not sure how she knew what the other woman was doing while in the office. The details given seem to be sight based, instead of sound based. I could be completely wrong. Excellent writing. I really enjoyed it.
05/02/13
Congratulations on your EC. This was a great story. I like the way you put that surprise in at the end about Katherine being blind. Nice job.
05/02/13
Congratulations on your EC!
05/02/13
Congratulations! Very good story of overcoming. Keep writing!
Congratulations on your ribbon and your EC! Happy Dance, now how many are you up over Mom? Not that we're keeping count. Welcome to level two for sizzle! (There's some poetic justice in the sizzle and you being hot!) I am truly happy for you and I bet Mom is doing a happy dance as well! :)
05/03/13
Thanks, everybody!! I'm so excited!! We are both happy, happy, happy over here! Mom is so close! We need to push her on over to Intermediate now. :)
05/03/13
Wow what an astoundingly creative entry. Your story line was full of suspense and intensity, constantly drawing the reader toward the MC's heroic comeback. Loved it!
Well done and congratulations on your winning entry.
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your well deserved EC. This was suspenseful and entertaining.
05/04/13
Awesome job, and congrats on your 1st place. I love how you quietly slipped in the details about her blindness in the end. Surprising, but good.