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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Click (04/18/13)

TITLE: Cooper's clicking
By Rosey Mucklestone
04/23/13


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Micah and I have been friends for a few months now. We usually do our schoolwork together, switching off whose house we go to. Today, it’s mine.
Micah chews his eraser, trying to work out an algebra problem. He sighs and sits up, looking as if he wants to talk about something other than math.
“Where’s your brother?”
“Inside, playing his video games.”
“You’re kidding. Does he ever get away from the TV?”
“Hardly ever. And even when he does, he carries his DS around so much its almost part of his body.” I roll my eyes and sigh. Micah looks thoughtful,
“Maybe we could get him to do his homework out here with us!”
“He’s done already.”
“Well, we can still ask…”
We both stand up and run inside. “Hey, Cooper!” I holler as we get inside. No answer. Only the everlasting “clickclick” of his game. We run into the TV room. “Hey Cooper! Wanna come outside with us?” I ask. “Nah.” Cooper answers, his eyes never leaving his game.
“Playing video games just wastes time!” Micah argues, “I bet there’s even a bible verse that says not to spend so much time on video games!” Cooper laughs, “Well, goody-two-shoes… find one and I’ll only play video games 20 minutes a week!” Micah and I exchange glances and grin. “You’re on!” Micah laughs, running out of the room.
I follow and find him in our library, where he’s shuffling through books. “Do you guys have a Strong’s Concordance?” he asks. I nod and bring him one. He flops down on the couch and pulls the big book open. “Where should I look first?” I sit next to him. “Well, here are a few words you could look up… worthless, unprofitable, worldly and distraction.” He grins, “Okay.”
We flip to our chosen words and don’t find much… until we look closer at “worldly”. “Let’s look that one up in the bible.” I suggest. “Titus 2:12.” Micah picks up the bible next to him and flips to Titus.
“Here it is! ‘Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously and godly, in this present world.’”
“Perfect!”
We high-five each other just as we hear my mom call: “Dinnertime!” Micah’s mom had said that it was okay for him to stay for dinner, so the two of us run to the table, me carrying the bible.
Cooper comes down to dinner, tapping away on his DS, Dad says grace and everyone starts to eat. Micah looks at me and nods and I clear my throat. “Cooper, we found a verse for you.” Cooper’s hand with the fork stops halfway to his mouth and he stares at me. My dad looks between us, “What?”
“Well,” I begin, “Cooper said that if I found him a bible verse that said that he shouldn’t be spending so much time on video games, he’d shave it down to 20 minutes a week!” Dad glances at Cooper, “Sounds fair to me. Read what you found, Quinn.” I open the bible to Titus and read: “‘Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously and godly, in this present world.’” I look at dad, “As I see it, video games are a worldly lust, sooo….” Dad nods, “You’re absolutely right, Quinn. Now, Cooper…” We all turn and look at Cooper, who’s looking very sorry. He sighs, “I just want to apologize to everyone; I’ve been spending way to much time on video games and not spending time with you guys. I’ll keep my word and just play 20 minutes a week. Can you guys forgive me?” Everyone nods and smiles. I’m over the moon. Finally! The end of the eternal clicking! Then I notice Cooper looking at Micah and me. “As for you two…” We both stiffen and Cooper grins. “How about a game of Frisbee after dinner?”


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This article has been read 149 times
Member Comments
Member Date
dub W04/29/13
Okay, I should share this with my grandkids ... your theme is believable although the ending was contrived. Big issue is dialog handling, that takes practice - there are many tips in FW and outside resources. Secondly, exclamation marks are dangerous items. Unless you characters scream all day, limit the marks to one per essay; and that may be too many. Keep writing, your story is down-to-earth.
Patsy Hallum04/29/13
All kids need to see this! Now, learn paragraph's and dialog spacing and you will have a great story! The forums are a great place to find help.
Judith Gayle Smith05/01/13
What a delightful story. I agree with the other comments, but I want to add that you have a terrific story telling gift . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/01/13
I really enjoyed this delightful story. Children's stories are my favorite genre and I think these characters are right on the mark.

Remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. Also if you double space between the paragraphs you will give the reader that all important white space.

You did a great job of bringing the topic into this charming story. I also liked how the kids resolve the conflict. Many adults when writing for kids will make the mistake of having the adult resolve the problem so I am delighted that the kids figured out a solution all by themselves. Nicely done!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/02/13
Congratulations on placing 13 in your level! (The highest rankings(top 13 in level one and top 40 overall) can be found on the message boards at http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=36971&sid=fc51905b09e1c3a6153917b33a0614a4 )