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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)
Jocelyn knew that she was on to something. Jocelyn had overheard Mattie on her cell phone; she had heard her tell the other person that her dad and her were settled in but had to keep things quiet for now. Mattie changed the subject when she saw Jocelyn. She knew that Mattie had been too good to be true. What a fake she was. She needed more information. She would think on this matter, the key to this whole thing was timing. She could afford to wait and watch.

Jocelyn had just entered the café. She couldn’t wait to get her first morning cup of coffee. To her surprise Mattie was ordering too.

Jocelyn walked up to her. “Hello, Mattie, what brings you out this fine morning?” Jocelyn asked innocently.

“Hi, Jocelyn, Dad wants a huge cup of coffee. He just had to pull an all niter and still has some paper work to do. He never gets his rest, being a clergyman and the town’s coroner is hard sometimes.” She reached for a dollar in her purse to pay for the coffee. “See you later, oh, are you coming to choir practice this afternoon?”

“I wouldn’t miss it, Mattie. See you there.”

Mattie hurried on out the door, whew! The last thing she wanted to do was run into Jocelyn, she was so nosey and Mattie had the distinct feeling she was not well liked by her. It was partly due to James. He had been dating Jocelyn when her dad and she moved into the small town of Evansville.

When her father took over his duties as the Pastor of the church, they met James, he was the choir director. Mattie and James got along well and were just friends but Jocelyn didn’t believe it. What a shame that a Christian would act this way.

After a good practice some were meeting at the Diner, James asked Mattie to join them.

Mattie saw the look in Jocelyn’s eyes and declined. “Maybe another time.” James had just handed her a key. Thanks, James for everything.

Mattie couldn’t wait to tell everyone her news, but all in good time.

Jocelyn just stared at Mattie and the key in her hand. What was that all about? Was there something going on with the two of them?

After they left the church Jocelyn let James have it. “What is going on between the two of you, James? Don’t deny it, I have eyes and I saw the way you looked at her and what about that key? Why did you give it to her?

“Whoa, Jocelyn, you have no call to say or act this way, she’s just a friend. Cool it.” She had never seen James mad before but he was now.

Jocelyn couldn’t stop now, she had to know. Come on, James, just tell me.”

Instead of what she thought she would hear, he surprised her with, “That’s it, we are through dating. I don’t want to see you anymore! You Jocelyn, are not who I thought you were. With that James walked out of the Diner.

Several days later Jocelyn heard that James and Mattie were at the Café having coffee. It didn’t surprise her any about the two-timing pair. Jocelyn pulled in front of her apartment building.

“There’s Mattie!” She about screamed. Jocelyn watched her walk up to apartment eleven. She put the key in the lock and opened the door and walked in.

“Not so fast lady.” Jocelyn was out the car and up the steps. She knocked hard on the door.

“Hello Jocelyn. Come in.”

“What’s going on? Whose apartment is this?

“Mine and my daughters. We just finished moving in. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to surprise my daughter on our first home. “Kimmy, you’ve met my friend James and this is Jocelyn another friend from church.”

“Hi. I’m Kim. I have been living overseas for twelve years. Mom and I are getting reacquainted; my Dad took me away years ago. He called and told mom he was sorry about taking me. Dad died last month and mom made arrangements to bring me here. The ordeal is over now.”

Jocelyn looked at Mattie, how wrong could she have been about everything? “Mattie, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

She knew the Lord would forgive her, but she knew she lost James forever, after shattering the trust between them. She had no cause for her actions, and it cost her dearly.
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This article has been read 865 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
02/22/13
This was a poignant read and held an authentic tone to it. The fact that the Lord forgives us is really powerful and one many people have trouble embracing. So glad your MC did.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/24/13
I think this has the makings of a great story. There is a touch of romance, suspense, and a good message.

I did notice at times I had to re-read in order to figure out who was who. You had some missing quotes. I also noticed some sentences that made me stumble. For example instead of her dad and her, it would flow better with she and her dad.

I think you did a nice job in the ending as you resolved the conflicts, but didn't tie it up into a neat little bow like many authors might be tempted to do. I really enjoyed this piece. It kept my attention from beginning to end. You also cover the topic in a fresh and interesting way. Good job.
Bonnie Bowden 
02/25/13
The story has great climax and ending. It's too bad, we as Christians tend to jump to wrong conclusions so easily.

I did notice some quotation marks missing which made it a little more difficult to read in parts, but it didn't take away anything from the intensity of the story.