Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)
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TITLE: KEYS TO THE KINGDOM | Previous Challenge Entry
By Graham Insley
02/19/13 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Muscles tightened, the face cringed,
The vein expanded in the arm,
Yielding to the chemicals harm.
A life wasted in foolish stupidity,
As the mind lost its lucidity,
A depth of pain and despair,
On hell’s downward spiral stair.
Afraid to live and afraid to die,
Life one long and painful sigh.
And then one eventful day,
Certain Words came into play.
“Surrender, I hold you dear.
Learn to live a different fear.”
Set free and healed at last,
Able to let the past be past.
An important Key to the Kingdom,
The fear of the Lord brings wisdom.
Bound by strong emotional chains,
Just left replaying old refrains,
Songs you have learnt by heart,
Are nothing but a poisoned dart.
Rejection, despair, fear and guilt,
Are a prison that you have built,
That conquer and vanquish hope,
Removing the ability for you to cope.
Condemnation and far, far worse,
Learning the role verse by verse.
But once again, Christ saves the day,
A demolition team is on the way,
To pull down hated prison walls,
Watch it crumble as it falls.
He came knowing what you need,
To be set free, made free indeed.
A very truthful Key to the Kingdom,
Following Christ leads to freedom.
Many demons control this world,
Satan’s flag has been unfurled.
Alcohol, drugs, tobacco and more,
Can make life a hard uphill chore.
Trapped, we can become their slave,
As they wear us down, wave by wave.
Pornography, greed, anger and lust,
Can leave us writhing in the dust.
Vassals to their relentless power,
Imprisoned in their ivory tower,
Feeling their strength, we yield,
Instead of using our Holy shield.
He has already the battle won,
Defeating every demon’s son.
And He dwells within your heart,
It’s time for the battle to start.
A very powerful Key to the Kingdom,
Walk with Christ and walk in dominion.
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I did notice a few tiny errors such as chemicals harm instead of chemicals' or chemical's harm.Also, this may just be a personal choice, but I noticed you used the universal we or you. You could make it more personal by using I or me or to not use a pronoun at all like this: songs that have been learnt by heart. And Are a prison that has been built.
I think it's okay either way, as long as you are consistent. By using I, it allows the reader to relate or empathize, however, sometimes using the universal you or we can feel preachy to people.
I only mention these thoughts because I believe you have some awesome talent and it might be something you want to tweak later or consider when you write your next poem. I do hope there will be more pieces from you because you have a way of grabbing the reader's heart. Once you get someone's attention that allows the Holy Spirit in to do all kinds of work. Keep writing, you have an incredible gift.