Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)
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TITLE: Be Mine | Previous Challenge Entry
By Connie K Cameron
02/17/13 -
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After a small talk, Mark convinced me to attend the prayer meeting. I could not understand his insistence though.
When we got to the Church, everyone was waiting outside for us. That too was a little strange but I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on.
As we passed through the hall on our way into the sanctuary, Mark suddenly stopped, he turned and he took my hand in his and led me to a chair, he motioned for me to sit down, so I did, but going through my mind was, “What the heck is going on?”
Mark got down on one knee. He took my hand again, he looked into my eyes and he asked, “Will you marry me?”
I let out a little peep of a, “Yes” I felt flushed and I’m sure I was red in the face. We are already married, but I went along with this because everyone was watching.
As soon as I said my little, “Yes,“ Janet took my hand and led me down another hall to a room usually used as a class room but tonight it looked more like a dressing room with 4 dresses and veils to match.
“Pick one,” the women said. Still not sure what was happening, but I went along with it and I picked out a beautiful white long dress with a long train and a low cut back, covered in lace. All the girls started to surround me, primping and preparing me for something.
I felt like I was dreaming, Lisa was putting earrings on me while Janet did my make-up and Shelly worked on pulling my hair up leaving bits out for some little curls around the front. They all announced to me that they had prepared a surprise wedding, and Mark was in on it all.
The Church was filled with flowers, Mark looked handsome in his suit and tie. I walked down the isle while Shelly sang, it was unbelievable.
After the wedding I was led into another room for a reception. Cake, punch and presents.
When it was all over, I changed back into my jeans and sweater, and our little family headed home. I love God with all of my heart but the person who holds the key to my heart on this earth is my husband, Mark.
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I did think it was slightly week with the topic. I know you use the word key near the very end, but if you would leave this sentence out, your story still would have been a strong one. The idea of writing on topic is to have the topic be the main center--the main focal point of the story. If you take out anything that is related to the topic would the story stand on its own? If the answer is No, then you know you've done a great job of writing on topic.
I do think you did a fantastic job of the other criteria that the judges use to score each submission. You had a nice strong beginning and it showed the conflict of going out on Valentine's Day or staying in with the baby. It made me want to read on and discover what would happen next. You also had a nice strong ending that left the reader with a warm feeling and a sense of hope. I think the story is a good reminder to everyone that we need to show each other we love them not just on Valentines Day, but on every single day God allows us to be on this earth.
Wing His Words