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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Note (02/07/13)

TITLE: Suffering For A Note
By Olawale Ogunsola
02/13/13


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Oluku and Loye were childhood friends, they lived at Akowonje with their families.

One day, as he was leaving to spend a few days in Komiyo, Loye went to say goodbye to Oluku. It looked like no-one was home, but he was puzzled to see the door suing wide open as he knocked on it.

He stepped inside, calling out: "Hello! Hello!", but there was no response.

"Where is everybody?" he asked himself. He pulled a piece of paper and pen from his bag and left a note for his friend: "Sorry to miss you, but I hope to be back in four days, bye for now!"

He closed the door and left.

Three hours later, Oluku's mother, Amunipa, returned home, scrambling in her shopping bag for her keys as she approached the door.

She found the keys, but discovered that the door was only closed but not firmly locked.

"What's happened?" she asked herself, gazing.

"Chei! Did I not lock the door properly or at all as I had thought? What a great mistake!" She reprimanded herself.

The first thing that struck her mind was the bunch of trinkets that her friend, Alariya, had requested to borrow from her.

She dashed to where she placed it, on a shelf, well-wrapped in the sitting room, but it had grown wings and flown away!

They were costly ones running to hundred of thousands dollars of different sizes and colors to manage on clothes.

She was confused, weak and perspired profusely licking her finger.

Amunipa was in this mood for some hours alone in the house.

She was still numb with shock when Oluku came home with his two other brothers.

"Somebody had stolen my trinkets," she told them, with a vacant stare.

Together they searched everywhere without success, before the matter was reported to the police, who took her statement.

Later, two officers came to the house to gather evidence, a man and a woman.

They gathered enough information and unsuccessfully searched for the lost items.

"Do you suspect anybody," the police woman asked her.

"Nobody!"

As they were leaving the house, the policewoman picked up Loye's note and read it, then asked

"Do you know who wrote this?"

Amunipa took it from her. "I had not seen it, but I recognise the writing," she said.

"That's right! Now we have a prime suspect. When this person comes, he will help in our further investigations." the policeman said.

"No! It cannot be Loye! He is part of this family since his childhood years. He cannot steal my trinkets," she defended.

"Do you want us to help you or not? In a case like this, you alone are innocent. Every other person is a suspect. We will continue our investigations but we are interested in this guy," the policewoman concluded.

Three days later, Loye was arrested on arrival from Komiyo. He was subjected to various ill-treatment to ensure that he confess to stealing the trinkets, though he insisted, " I did not take them and I know nothing about their whereabouts.

Three days after Loye was arrested, Alariya returned to Akowonje with the items in question.

"Thank you my friend for all your assistance. The celebration where I went to use the trinkets was a success. I was like a queen and treated so." she said searching her expensive and expansive bag to bring out the items.

"My friend, how did you get it?" Amunipa said in amazement.
"A young man has been incarcerated because of these," she continued, "he is my son's best friend. Let's go and secure his release." Amunipa concluded as her eyes glowed with joy,

They took the trinkets to the police station where upon enquiry by the police, Alariya disclosed,
" On that day, I knocked at the door of Amunipa's house. It opened freely, so I shouted 'Good morning,' to which there was no response. So I looked around for her but no one could tell of her whereabouts. So I returned inside to wait for a few minutes. Then I saw the trinkets well packed and placed on the shelf. I thought she put them there for me because we had agreed about my borrowing them."

"Why did you not leave a note to inform her of your taking them?" the Lady Investigating Police Officer inquired,

"It was a serious oversight." she replied, shaking her head.

Loye was released and taken to hospital for treatment, where Oluku's family apologised and he forgave them.


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This article has been read 122 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/17/13
This is an interesting piece. I liked the double take on the note. The one who left a note got in trouble but the real "culprit" didn't think to leave the note.

There are several punctuation errors. You may want to invest in a good punctuation book or website.

The ending seemed a bit too simple and wrapped up too readily, though like I said about the irony, it makes one stop and really think. Good job,
Cheryl Harrison 02/27/13
Your story kept my attention. You drew out my emotions with your characters. I was upset that Loye was falsely accused. Glad to see your story had a happy ending. Good job! Keep writing.