The Official Writing Challenge
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I really like the idea behind the story. You did a nice job of intriguing me and bringing me right into the prison cell.

One thing to make this good story even better would be to do more showing than telling.

For example by changing up the part when his cell phone rang, you might want to try something like this: His mind drifted back to the day his cell phone rang. Even now, these many years later, his stomach flipped and flopped and his mouth became dry. That day changed his life forever.

Though that may not be a perfect example, I hope it helps you understand what I mean by showing--painting a picture--instead of telling.

Overall, I think you did a really nice job. I could feel the anguish of the MC. I could also feel your passion jump off the page as I read the story. You did a great job.
02/02/13
Your passion and the intensity in this piece was palpable. Excellent story telling and the message contained in this entry is profound. Nicely done.

God bless~