The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/18/13
This was a captivating story from beginning to end. I was sad to learn Elaine decided not to keep her baby.
This is a fascinating story. You pulled me in by introducing the conflict right away.

I noticed some little errors like a comma, then an end quote and a question mark. The question mark should have been inside the quote marks. You also have incomplete sentences after some dialog. Ex: clearly aggravated...didn't have a subject. A good way to fix this would be to do some showing. Ex: His face turned red as he pounded his fist on the table.
Something like that would identify the speaker while painting a picture for the reader.

I'm not sure if this is a true story, but it feels like it is. If so, I admire your courage in sharing it. It doesn't matter how old our kids get we still worry and cringe sometimes over their decision. You did a breast job of showing how praying and handing the problem over to God can make all of the differences in the world. Nice job.
I liked your story. The end seemed a bit abrupt. Good job.
01/22/13
Awww, I was hoping Elaine kept the baby. But, in any case...good story.
God bless~