The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/17/13
I liked reading this story. It really is a reminder of the way life is supposed to be lived.
This is a great story. You drew me in immediately and I found myself smiling as I read.

I did notice some little errors like the comma goes inside the quotation mark. A challenge buddy might help you catch those errors. If you need help finding one, PM me and I'll help.

Another thing that might help you turn a good story into a great one is to work on showing. One way to do that is to get rid of taglines like she said. Take your opening line. Instead of is what I overheard, try something like this. I leaned closer to hear the undertaker.
This way it paints a picture for the reader.

I think you did a grand job of using the topic in your story. One of the challenges is to come up with a different POV than everyone else. There have been several stories about the measure of a man. But you tackled it in a fresh way by having the mortician (the word undertaker makes me think of the Old West) literally measure the man. I love your subtle sense of humor. I think you have a knack for storytelling. I really liked how you wrapped everything up in the end. This was a delightful read.
I had a lump in my throat just reading this story. GOD Bless you.
01/21/13
Wonderful entry! Loved the voice and the storyline. Right on topic and enjoyably written. Great job.
01/21/13
I like your witty style in this story. It is sad that a man (or woman) is not usually measured by his heart, but by his pocketbook or his position of authority. Very good story. God Bless!
01/22/13
Oh my...this made my heart sigh and made my eyes water. So touching.

God bless~
Great story. Great truths without being preachy. Well done.
You are a story teller, for sure. Just a little polishing to eliminate a few typo's will bring it forward even more. Well done.
Congratulations for your HC in level 1 and for ranking 32 overall!
01/25/13
Congrats. God Bless~
I would love to see this fleshed into a novel . . .