The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/22/12
Relationships are an extension of God's love for us! How true. Thank you for this article.
11/22/12
Thank you for sharing the lessons that you are learning about relationships.
11/22/12
Enjoyed the read...some good insights on relationships...God bless and thanks for sharing...
11/23/12
I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time, but you certainly have the right attitude! You're choosing to focus on the positive, and are learning from your experiences. That is awesome!

As for the technical writing, the essay is well written, but could be tightened up a bit to have more impact. But overall, a wonderful and heartfelt entry.
I can really feel the angst you've experienced. It's wrapped around my heart and the pain can be horrible. But oh how wonderful once we allow Jesus into our hearts.

My red ink would be to go back and see how many times you repeated words. I think you'll be surprised at how many times you used the word relationship, for example. You could restructure some sentences like this: In the past, I was focusing on the wrong relationships. I have always tried to force relationships
to something like: In the past, I focused on the wrong relationships; I had always tried to force them. or you could sub words like commitment, connection, bond, kinship, or rapport.

But even with that little thing you still did a grand job of opening up your heart and sharing your story with others in the hopes of them not only to know Jesus but also so they may not experience the pain and loneliness you've gone through. Well done.
11/27/12
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It was compelling and inspirational. God Bless~