The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/16/12
Just a couple of things I noticed: Genna and Jenna - the beginning letter changed in the story.

And this sentence should have had a question mark at the end: "Would you listen to her sometime when I have been talking to her or asking if I can do something.”

I often need an editor for my work, as I make quite a few errors, too.

Other than that, a nice story. :-)
This is a sweet story. It is true that parents can become stressed out by questions and other things.

I noticed Jenna switched to Genna. Also try to make your dialog sound a bit more natural. For example the first sentence doesn't quite sound like something a 12 yo might say. Try loosening it up some perhaps like this; "Why does Mom always freak out when I ask her a question?"

I liked the way the sisters worked together to try and find a solution for this problem. They received some good advice. Keep writing!