Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Irritated (11/08/12)
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TITLE: Life Lessons in the Parking Lot | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jenna Fowls
11/13/12 -
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“What! What happened?” came a squeaky voice from the back seat of the SUV.
“Oh,” replied her mother, “I was just trying to pull into this perfect parking spot and there is a cart sitting in the way.”
“Well, what should we do?” came the squeaky voice again.
“I’ll go move it quick. Just hang on.” The mother swiftly jumped out of the car, grabbed the obtrusive obstacle and rolled it to the corral, which was just a few spaces down. She got back in and finished parking the car-silently thankful that there was no one waiting behind her.
“Okay, Kiddo. You ready?” the mother called to the back seat.
“Mom,” asked the little girl, “Why didn’t a person put their cart away? That was so irritating.”
The mother chuckled at her daughter’s “big girl” word. No doubt it was taught to her by the child’s older brother who had no problem expressing the sentiment in response to his sister’s antics.
“Well, honey,” she replied, “There are a lot of people who don’t think about how their actions affect others around them. They can only see themselves and the things which they think are important. So they make decisions based on what is easiest for them and don’t understand that sometimes it makes things harder for other another person. That is why it is very important to always be aware of how our choices effect others-even in the little things.
Taking an extra minute to put a cart away properly or to pick up a few toys,” the mother added slyly, “can prevent causing hassle for other people”
“Oh,” said the little girl mulling over the words her mother spoke. “I think I get it.”
The mother glanced at her young one and smiled to see that there was indeed a spark of understanding in her eyes.
“Well,” she said with a glimpse of her watch, “let’s get our groceries and get home before your brother. He is bringing some friends home with him.”
“What?” cried out the little girl. “Some of his friends are coming over? They are so irritating!”
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The one thing I might suggest would be to give your characters names. It'll help the reader relate to them more. (Even if you just used Mom for the mother's name it would be more endearing.)
I truly enjoyed this piece. The little girl reminded me of my baby who is now 18. I fell in love with your precocious little one. I could totally see her as a reoccurring character. You also did a good job of covering the topic both by showing with the shopping cart and with the little girl's last line. Well done.