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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Clothes (11/02/12)

TITLE: OUTER APPEARANCE
By clarissa aguilera
11/07/12


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Every Wednesday night, Friday nights and Sunday mornings me and my best friend faithfully together we would attend church.

Mondays, “her and I" also attend the New Converts Class, Tuesday nights Bible Studies and I’m hoping to talk her into quire Practice on Thursdays.

But there’s a dress code; the clothes that she wears are definitely not appropriate. So I’m going to have to work some kind of twist, pray for a miracle and convince her to change her clothes.

That’s exactly what it’s going to take, is a miracle.

She’s a beautiful young woman but through out the years of abuse and neglect her life just got tough. All the hurt and a life of unending pain that she endured left some open wounds and deep scars, that dramatically changed her appearance.

In church, “you couldn’t miss her".

The first thought that would probably come to mind would be “who’s that?” She looks like a hoodlum, maybe a gangster or is that a boy or a girl?

But focused and very much in love with Jesus she carried no shame, she praised him singing, she danced around and would lift her hands high with such dedication and devotion.

The clothes she wore, were “two” sizes bigger 501 jeans, a thermo under her white t-shirts some tennie shoes and her hair pulled back in a pony-tail.

Sometimes she’d feel out of place, but she always said GOD say’s “come as you are", and she did just that .

She is a very beautiful woman that enjoys praising god with all her heart. You could see and feel the love and sincerity she had for the lord.

She’s full of knowledge and loves to teach and preach the word of god. She is very loving, kind very wise and always spoke the truth even if it hurt. Good with godly counsel very well disciplined and very stern on her beliefs.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at days to come.
(PROV 31:25)

She often would laugh and tell jokes about, how one day she was going to write a book, “come out on the Oprah show and talk about how god changed her life, of course her friends would laugh with her, say she was crazy. But down deep inside she was serious about success.

All her friends knew her as a mighty woman of god or a soldier for the Lord. Others would get intimidated by her appearance, maybe even judge her. But she didn’t mind it, she wasn’t easily distracted. She sang, danced around, and worshiped the Lord.

Regardless her appearance and the style of clothes she chose to wear she was always happy, most impotently this woman had a passion for pleasing the Lord.

She always said she wanted to touch the lives of many and save the lost souls,"I believe she did just that".

One day I ask her, “are you afraid of change?” She said no.

I believe down deep inside she’s a scared little girl. "How do I know?"

"I know, Because that little girl is me.


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This article has been read 157 times
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Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 11/10/12
I really enjoyed this piece. You made so many good points. If children don't receive proper nurturing, they will tend to rebel and act out. This is a message to every parent, teacher or any adult who has contact with kids. They need boundaries, good examples and unconditional love.

I did notice in the beginning the story was in the present tense and then midway switched to the past. I also noticed you said me and my friend and then her and I. A good way to check for the proper pronoun is to take out the and blank part. For example you wouldn't say Me attended or her attend. I thought the quotation marks around the her and I part maybe signaled that you meant to use the pronoun incorrectly. A good challenge buddy might help you catch some of those errors. If you can't find one on the message boards and you're interested feel free to PM me.

The ending was fantastic. I often can spot twists coming a mile off but when taken by surprised I'm thrilled. Your story thrilled me. I truly enjoyed it from beginning to end as I felt the empathy rush out of me and envelop the MC with Jesus' love and grace.
Randy Foncree11/10/12
I loved the ending...God bless and thanks for sharing...
Frankie Kemp 11/14/12
I REALLY liked the story in this piece. I like the way you tell it--it reminds me of a LeCrae song that starts out with him praying for a brother--at the end of the song, he reveals that he is the brother he's praying for. That's a powerful truth worth sharing.

You put your words together very well--but (please don't take this the wrong way and stop writing because of it), I think you would benefit from having someone proofread for you and catch your grammar mistakes. Mechanics and grammar simply help us readers decode the message better, so honing up in those areas can only make your message stronger.

I think your MC is a very interesting person--a little salt in an often flavorless world.
Myrna Noyes11/14/12
What a great twist at the end of this interesting story! :) I was inspired by the obvious love and passion for the Lord this woman has, and I appreciate the message that we can't judge someone's heart simply by the clothes they wear. Good job! :)