The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/25/12
A very nice story to remind us how God is always keeping an eye on us, and how he designed us to look exactly the way we are. With bullying so prevalent these days, this story could make all the difference to a teenager struggling to love his/her appearance despite what others say. Good job.

God bless!
10/25/12
This was a critical account of what goes on today, and it truly will reach out to many...Excellent job with the entry, and a meaningful message. Thank you for such a touching story.

God bless~
This is a cute story and had me chuckling throughout. I, too, initially thought of doing a bra story. I think it's a touch of genius and an out of the box idea on the topic. (Great minds think alike)

One thing that would make this story even better would be to do more showing and less telling. That is something every writer struggles with. A good example would be in your opening paragraph if you switched it around just a bit it would paint a picture for the reader. Something like this: As the sun began to peek out over the horizon, Leana crouched down in the shed. The layers of dust and cobwebs proved that no one but she had been out here for a long time.
Not that my sentence is better, but I wanted to give you an example of what I mean by doing more showing instead of telling. Hopefully this paints a picture for the reader.

You did a great job of building the suspense while giving little clues of the mystery but saving the reveal for the right moment. You also did a grand job of getting inside a teen's head. I'm sure I'm not the only one who can relate with your MC. Great idea and you did a nice job with it.
I enjoyed reading your entry. You did a good job getting inside Leana's head and expressing her feelings.