The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/26/12
I write this review through the tears it brought to my eyes. What a marvelous story about the love of a mother for her children, her love for Jesus, yet you covered the topic well. I particularly liked the statement "her early love with a heavenly purpose." How poetic! Your entry was truly a blessing to me and very well written in my opinion.
07/26/12
Oops! In my review, I misspelled a word... it should have been "earthly" and not "early."
07/26/12
I love potluck dinners so I was afraid I wouldn't like your story. But what do I know. I loved it because of how you honored your Mother in the telling. Beautifully done. Thank you.
07/27/12
Beautiful homage to your mom...and an all together well written and lovely story. I enjoyed it so much. Thank you. God bless~
This is a terrific story. You drew me right in with the MC's preference of wanting to play baseball instead of mingle with the lol ( lol stood for little old ladies long before laugh out loud). I could relate to this little guy as he reminded me of my own son in so many ways.

I think if you work on showing the reader the story rather than tell the story that your submissions will skyrocket to the top of the rankings and draw even more people in. For example take this passive sentence--
So my attendance was required. --Just bu switching it up a bit you have an active sentence -- So my mother required me to attend. Another example of showing would be instead of this sentence-- I didnít like casseroles...-- try something like this-- Just the mere sight of green beans swimming in curdled cream of mushroom soup made my stomach flip-flop and I would throw up in my mouth. This way the reader automatically gets a picture of the casserole and being graphic helps them to really understand how the MC felt. Showing not telling isn't easy for any writer to do, but once you get a grip on how to do, it will make a big difference in your writing.

I already think you showed a great deal of natural talent in this piece. You grabbed my attention and brought visions of potluck dinners to my mind. Then you went a step farther and folded in an important message. This is a sign of a great devotion. The prayer at the end was so simple yet so eloquent that I found a catch in my throat because as I read it, it not only became the MC's prayer but mine as well. You did a wonderful job creating a fun and meaningful story.
08/01/12
I miss my mother's wise counsel too! This is beautiful, touching and real. You brought me right along and I can so relate to the part when she was not herself but you miss her anyway. This is excellent!
God BLess
Congratulations for placing 7th in your level!