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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: In The Kitchen - deadline 7-19-12 @ 9:59 AM NY Time (07/12/12)

TITLE: Where Angels Fear to Tread
By Laura Manley
07/19/12


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Josie jerked her body up into a sitting position as she cautiously listened for the noise that abruptly brought her sleep to a halt. She glanced over at the clock sitting on her night stand. She had been asleep less than two hours.

The noise is in the kitchen. What do I do? Yes, I’ll go down and check it out. Maybe I didn’t hear anything at all.

She sat as still as a cat as it waits for just the right moment to attack its target before deciding her next move. If it was someone in the kitchen, she certainly wouldn’t want to alert that someone to her whereabouts. Josie tried to clear her head and think what she was going to do.

Maybe the noise wasn’t in the kitchen… maybe it’s that old shutter that needs repair.

Josie pulled her knees close to her chest as she listened to the wind howling outside her bedroom window.

When did the wind pick up? Of course, that’s it. It WAS the shutter hitting up against the house. But why then, did it sound like it was coming from the kitchen? The broken shutter is in the front of the house, and I’m just sure I heard the noise coming from the kitchen.

Josie and her husband owned a very spoiled, Siamese cat that had the run of the house. Her husband, Lucas, had been fixing a broken lamp the night before and fought Sammie in an attempt to keep him out of the lamp pieces.

That’s it! Sammie must have shuffled through the remains of the lamp that Lucas had left out on the kitchen table. Okay, so I’m not going crazy.

Satisfied that was the answer, Josie released her arms from around her knees and crawled back under the still-warm blankets. She tucked them under her chin and knew she probably looked like a mummy. She nestled herself like a baby bird into the bed which seemed to mold into her familiar form. The tired and sick girl lay there hoping for sleep to come quickly. How else would she get well?

Suddenly, there came a sound that definitely came from in the kitchen. Josie once again snapped her body up.

Well, that does it; I’m just going to go down and investigate what going on in the kitchen.

With as much bravery as a child goes to a first dental appointment with, Josie managed to place her sock-covered feet onto the hardwood floors of her bedroom. She feared her pounding heart would give her presence away. Josie was quite certain she was not alone in her two-story house.

Before reaching her bedroom door, she grabbed her bathrobe which hung close by on one of the posts of her bed. She slipped the robe on and was careful in zipping it so as to not tip off the unwelcomed visitor in the house.

Josie took a deep breath as she made her way toward the bedroom door. Her hand froze on the bedroom door knob. She remembered she had not yet oiled the squeaky door. Even so, she managed to open the door without the squeak.

Her trek down the hallway seemed endless to Josie, but she was determined to find out the reason for the noises.

Along the way, Josie picked up one of Lucas’ baseball bats out of his sports bag. It gave her a sense of security with her hands wrapped around it. She continued toward the kitchen.

Josie decided to use an element of surprise so when she got to the swinging kitchen door, she pushed it with great force and entered the room. Instead of seeing a stranger in the kitchen, she focused her eyes on her wonderful husband who was busy putting dishes into the dishwasher.

“Lucas! You scared me to death,” Josie said in a shaken voice. “Why didn’t you let me know you were home?”

“Well, I left for work this morning with the idea I would come home and clean the kitchen while you slept, but I guess I was too noisy.”

Josie shuffled over to Lucas in her worn socks and gave him a huge hug.

“I’ve just spent the last half hour worrying someone had broken into our home and all the while it was you in the kitchen planning this surprise. Now I’m going to grab a chair and sit and watch you finish your little surprise.

They simultaneously broke out in hilarious laughter.


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This article has been read 296 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rachael Severa 07/19/12
What a cute story. I wish I had thought of that, but since you did, I think it's great. Right on!
CD (Camille) Swanson 07/20/12
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I simply adore this entry.

Hahahahahaha!

Great story and one many married women can relate to. My hubby in the kitchen doing anything but eating would be a total shock...and I wouldn't have it any other way. God Bless him...and yours.

I must admit I was scared at first for the MC and was so relieved to find "hubby" at work. Nicely done.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/21/12
I enjoy this. You did a nice job of setting the scene and introducing the characters. Then the conflict came, bring just enough tension and curiosity to keep reading and build to the climax of the story. I enjoyed this as I found myself leaning into the computer as I eagerly read more.
Ellen Carr 07/22/12
I enjoyed this story and the suspense you built up. Well done.
lynn gipson 07/23/12
Great story, makes me wish I was married again....almost! lol...never had a sweetun like that though....

Loved This!!
Helen Curtis07/23/12
Goodness I was worried for the MC! You certainly built the tension well and described the MC's rollercoaster ride of emotions really clearly. What a lovely surprise for her. Well done.
Hiram Claudio07/24/12
A nicely crafted story which held my interest from beginning to end. There were a few places where sentences here and there could have been shorter or tightened up but the piece flowed and was very enjoyable. I really liked the suspense that was built and the twist at the end - very creative.

Nice work!
Laury Hubrich 07/24/12
You did a really good job. I was wondering what it could be. I would really work on your ending next time. It fell flat when compared to the rest of the story. Awesome work though!
Loren T. Lowery07/24/12
This was a fun read and it was easy to identify with Josie, remaining in bed, thinking through all the "what it might be" thoughts. I liked, too, the way you portrayed the love between the husband and wife - nice to see!
Beth LaBuff 07/24/12
You did great work creating suspense. I was captivated. The fact that it was the husband wanting to surprise his wife left me with a smile. :)
CrisC Ramirez07/24/12
The story was wonderful. I loved the suspense and kept me attentive. It is right on topic, the story flowed nicely from beginning to end. Well done!
CD (Camille) Swanson 07/26/12
Congrats! God Bless~