The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 397 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/12/12
Reads like a dream or vision. Nicely done.
07/12/12
This is quite amazing. A definite original, thought provoking and very well written.

There are a few times it seems your punctuation isn't quite right.

"And there what a sight!" It either needs a comma after "there" or separated into two sentences.

"He looked straight at me and began to with anguish reveal, the reason why He sat alone at His grandiose table." This sentence feels a little awkward. Not sure why there is a comma after "reveal". It feels like it should read, "He looked straight at me and with anguish began to reveal the reason why He sat alone at His grandiose table.

Other than a few nitpicky things like this, I have a hard time finding anything to improve.

Very nicely done. I'm sure it will place well.

07/12/12
Actually I think in my suggested sentence rewrite, you need commas around "with anguish", so it would read like this:

"He looked straight at me and, with anguish, began to reveal . . . "

I'm such a detail person. Can't help it!
07/13/12
Great job with this clever entry. You were on topic and provided a different insight to the topic at hand. I enjoyed it this deep piece.

God Bless~
Wow this is a powerful piece. The first and last paragraphs are simply divine. I wonder if more people would have appreciated the rhyme and rhythm you so expertly crafted if it were in a more "typical" poetic format. But the true power is the truth behind the words. You have an incredible gift and I'm eager to read more of your work. This definitely deserves another Wow!
07/19/12
Congratulations! God bless~
07/19/12
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PLACEMENT!!!!

I "told" you it would place well. ;) Haha!