The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/31/12
I enjoyed this profound commentary and well written entry. You managed to touch on all aspects on importance. Thank You.

God Bless~
This is a powerful piece. I think it was quite clever how how came full circle.

There are only a couple of little things I might suggest. first, double space between the paragraphs to give the reader that all important white space. Next in such a short piece be careful of repeating words like heinous. It's a wonderful word so it stood out when you repeated it a bit later.

I can so relate to the question who wants to be just average? i find myself thinking silly things like I'd rather be ugly than just average. How did this thirst for being better than everyone start? Average means you are like most people but yet we strive to be above most people. Very interesting and ironic. Then you got the the politically correct part and I felt like shouting Amen! You did a wonderful job with this bit of writing.
06/02/12
AMEN! I really enjoyed reading this. You have totally nailed it on the head, society- especially the media and politicians - are so concerned about not offending others that common sense has gone out the window! I find it interesting, though, that almost every group, person, way-of-life, etc, is protected from everything EXCEPT for Christians!! Apparently we are still fair game when it comes to derogatory comments and the like - but that's another story, and I shall now jump down from my soap box :-)

My bit of 'red ink' is some advice that was given to me a while ago. As much as possible, when writing about personal lessons that affect both the reader and me, the author, we should try and write inclusively. It helps to connect the readers with me, to present an open-handed suggestion instead of a finger-pointing judgement, if that makes sense.

I'll try and demonstrate what I'm saying with the following paragraph:

"Free will is a gift from God. You are able to question His word and judge for yourself the proper course. Through rational questioning and thought you will eventually reach the right answer. But you have to reach your own conclusion; no one else can do it for you."

Now, read it using inclusive language:

"Free will is a gift from God. We are able to question His word and judge for ourselves the proper course. Through rational questioning and thought we will eventually reach the right answer. But we have to reach our own conclusions; no one else can do it for us."

The second example should give the feeling of unity, that we are all in this together. I hope I've made sense; and I hope if I'm completely off the mark that someone else will jump in and rebut me!

Again, I loved this; definitely a favourite of mine this week. Keep being brave and standing up for God! Blessings, Helen
This is quite an interesting article. That is what I like to write when an idea comes up. I also wrote an article which I hope a lot of people will read.

And, yes, please double space between paragraphs, which makes it much easier to read.

God Bless