Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)
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TITLE: Paulie the Risk Taker | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tiara Huffman
05/24/12 -
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Paulie felt bad for mommy sometimes, because every time he took a risk, it made his mommy scared, mad, and sometimes she even cried. Paulie would go and give his mommy hugs and kisses and tell her just how sorry he was when she cried. One day when Paulie had done something real bad, and his mommy was crying Paulie gave his mommy a kiss and said, “Mommy I’m sorry I take risks, I know it scares you.” His mommy kissed him and said, “It is okay baby, I should have known you were going to be a risk taker, I did name you after a risk taker.” Paulie’s eyes grew big. “You did!” he said excited. His mommy smiled big. “I did Paulie,” she said pushing back Paulie’s hair, and then Paulie wiped away his mommy’s tears. “You want me to tell you about him?” Paulie’s mommy asked him. Paulie nodded his head so fast it made his eyeballs hurt.
“Okay,” his mommy said with a laugh. And then Paulie’s mommy told him all about a man named Paul that went all over telling people about Jesus even though, doing so could get him in big trouble. But even when Paul was in trouble, he wasn’t afraid, because Jesus had told him to go tell people about him. And mommy also told Paulie about how Paul had been caught and taking to prison four times! And he still kept telling people about Jesus! Paul was a great man of God! Paulie wanted to be like that! Paulie decided he wasn’t going take risks with high places and bees anymore; he was going to take risks telling people about Jesus! Now, Paulie the risk taker, takes risks for Jesus!
Author’s note: Inspiring verse: men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Acts 15:26 NIV. From the passage “The Council’s Letter to Gentile Believers.”
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Be careful with run-on sentences and incomplete ones. At first I thought some of the sentence structure needed polishing but as I read I liked it because it helped me to relate to the little guy even more.
Make sure you capitalize Mommy when used as a name (When it doesn't have a my, his, or the in front)
The ending was a touch of genius. I didn't see it coming at all. You did an outstanding job writing on topic while still delivering a powerful message.