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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)
Jimmy and Cathy were exhausted. They had been running through the woods for what seemed like hours.

“Come on Cathy, we can’t stop now, he’ll catch us!”

Jimmy was nine years old, Cathy was four. They were running from Daddy. This had been the third time in a month he had beaten them. Something told Jimmy to leave tonight. They waited until he passed out to run away, but surprisingly, he woke up as they were sneaking out the door and began chasing them through the woods behind their house wielding a stick. Luckily, he was too drunk to run very fast.

This time the beatings had not been as bad, but Jimmy knew he had to get them out of there and to the highway on the other side of the woods, and then somehow get them to Nana‘s house. She would take care of them. He was used to the beatings, but when Daddy started hitting Cathy he could no longer take it, he had to protect his baby sister. She was so fearful she had stopped speaking.

Nana didn’t know where they lived. Daddy had seen to that when he moved them to another state and into a house in the woods. He didn’t want Nana to find them and take him and Cathy away. Jimmy and Cathy’s mother had died three years ago, and Nana was her mother. When Mama was alive, Daddy seemed content just to hit her. After her death he turned his rage on them.

Jimmy and Cathy were approaching the highway, and they could hear Daddy yelling their names. He was catching up. Just about that time a big white car pulled off the highway and stopped. Jimmy could see a man inside with long hair and a beard. A hippie, thought Jimmy. That’s what Daddy called them. The passenger door opened and a voice beckoned them inside.. At first Jimmy hesitated, but Daddy was getting closer. He told Cathy to jump in and he followed her, and the man drove off.

“We need to go to our Nana’s house,” Jimmy told the man, “but I don’t know how exactly how to get there. She lives a long way from here.”

“I know where your Nana lives.” Said the man with a soft voice. “I’ll take you there.”

“Do you know my Nana?” Jimmy asked.

“Yes, I do,” replied the man with a smile. “I’ve known her all her life. You two look tired. Why don’t you just rest awhile and I will take you to your Nana.”

“I guess I should tell you,” said Jimmy, “We’re running away from our Daddy.”

“You will never have to live with your daddy again, I promise,” the man said quietly.

Something about the man made Jimmy believe him, so he told Cathy she could sleep if she wanted, and then promptly fell asleep as well. Sometime later he woke up as he heard gravel crunching beneath the tires of the car and saw the old farm house he had been to before Mama died. They were finally at Nana’s.

“Get out and go to the door and knock.” said the man. “I will watch you from the car until your Nana comes to the door and I know you are safe.”

Jimmy woke Cathy up and the two of them got out and went to the door and knocked. A minute later Nana came to the door and broke into happy tears when she saw her two grand children standing there. The happiness turned to horror as she saw the bruises on their faces.

“Where in the world did you two come from?” Nana asked, frightened.

“That man there in the white car brought us.” Jimmy said.

“What man? What white car?” asked Nana.

Jimmy turned and looked and the man and the white car were gone. He hadn’t heard the car leaving on Nana’s gravel drive way. It had just disappeared.

“A man in a white car picked us up on the highway, he said he knew you. He had long hair and a beard like a hippie, and he was very kind.” said Jimmy.

Nana smiled a beautiful smile. She knew at once who the man in the white car was. She had been praying without rest for three years, asking Jesus to bring her grand children to her, and tonight He had answered her prayers.
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This article has been read 1213 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Nancy Bucca
05/10/12
I love the way Nana's prayers were answered and that part about the man who looked like a hippie. I'm so glad the children got to safety! The topic does seem a bit more relegated to the beginning of the story, and not as much at the end. On the whole this was very well written. I look forward to reading more.
Donna Wilcher
05/10/12
I was so afraid the dad would catch them, and then so relieved when the "hippy" picked them up just in the nick of time and took them to Nana's house.

Fabulous ending! Loved it! Jesus to the rescue!

You won't be at Level 1 for long with this kind of writing!

Great job!
Denene Humphrey
05/11/12
Great story!
C D Swanson 
05/12/12
This gave me goosebumps when the "hippie" picked them up. Oh praise the Lord...Our refuge and our protector, Jesus Christ.

Loved this entire piece. Suspenseful, well written, and on topic. It touched my heart. I was so thrilled they made it to safety.

Thank you for this. Superb and unforgettable.

Bless you,

Camille~

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/13/12
This is a good story. You did a great job of building the suspense. Even though I suspected the mysterious man was a servant of God, I could still feel my heart pounding just in case he was a worse man than the man they ran away from.
Cynthia Dawson
05/14/12
I enjoyed the story. You kept me hanging on the entire time and guessing what would happen next. I thought the "hippie" might be a kidnapper at first but very quickly realized it was Jesus. That was the only part that didn't keep me guessing long.
Laury Hubrich 
05/15/12
You made me cry. You told a very good story:)
Laura Manley
05/16/12
This story moved very smoothly from beginning to end. I suspected who the man in the white car was, but I still couldn't wait until the ending to see for sure. If you are looking for constructive criticism, I would suggest you spellcheck your entries, not because you have any misspellings, but spellcheck also checks grammar. In one of your sentences you have repeated a something in your sentence. Other than that one thing, I loved your story!
Graham Insley
05/17/12
A well told story of God's intervention.

Good job and thanks for sharing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/18/12
Congratulations for placing 9th in level one!