The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/05/11
Beautiful!! I absolutely loved it! I believe we will see this writing going somewhere in this week's challenge :) I think your main character and my main character should have lunch sometime. Awesome work.
05/07/11
this is excellent..... and i think my husband would like it with the references to steam trains.... very original very clever you are surely not a beginner!! you ill be moving on up very soon.... well you would be if I was a judge :)
05/11/11
I concur with the above. Awesome work for a beginner. I love all your descriptions that leave a person on the edge of their seat, plus the suspense and the terrific message in it.

My only critique (and a very small one) is that when you have another person speak, it's best to put that in a separate paragraph to avoid confusion as to the person's identity. Again, it's a very minor thing. On the whole, great job!