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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Flowers (10/03/05)

TITLE: Special One in a Bouquet
By James Douglas
10/06/05


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Special One in a Bouquet

I’ve met many people in my life and some left something ingrained within me. Some it didn’t take a lot of time or a lot of words, they just had a sudden impact on my life. Others may of had a more subtle manner, but still left a profound message for me.

My oldest sister was ten years older than me. Although she stood four feet and eleven inches, she is my “big sister”. My sister knew a language that transcends from her to me. Her laughter was so honest that even if it was at my expense it could bring me to belly aching laughter. She could relate to me the consequences of things better than anyone else was capable of doing.

She successfully raised seven honest, working, and respectful children. She loved God and participated in her church’s activities regularly. The last night I saw her, she was walking toward the stairs to enter the church. She turned and recognized me driving past, she flagged me to a stop and then she shouted “boy you better get your fat head in the church”! She had a big smile when she said it, but she usually did, and that was the last time I saw her awake.

When I think about flowers I never consider them drying, crumbling, or dying. I remember them robust and the thanks and joy that they are connected with.


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This article has been read 583 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Sickler10/11/05
I like the way you describe your shorter sister as your "big sister". Mine was the way. :) I would have liked this to be longer though, show your sister as the flower you are comparing her to. You also left me wondering what happened to her in the end. Why didn't you ever see her awake again? I liked the line where she called you a fat head! Maybe you could have encluded some more of her sisterly love! :)
Anita Neuman10/11/05
You've done a beautiful job portraying your relationship with your sister - your love for her is evident throughout the piece. I, too, would've liked to read more about her and what happened. One tiny grammatical thing: "Others may have had..." (instead of 'may of had'). Overall, a great little piece. Keep it up!
Jan Ackerson 10/12/05
I wish this piece had been longer, with some specific memories of your sister; you left me intrigued, but wanting more. Check the meaning of "transcends"; I think a different verb would work better. Witty!
Brandi Roberts10/12/05
I think we're all in agreement here - longer! I wanted to read more about your sister and what it is that took the "flower" away from you. Loved it otherwise, thanks for sharing!
Alexandra Wilkin10/13/05
I wanted very much to hear more about your sister! You know how to keep the reader wanting more: I wish there were more of this. Very nice, and perhaps work this up for an article submission. God bless.