Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cyber Communication (email, IM’s, etc) (11/04/10)
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TITLE: Words | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ramona Cook
11/08/10 -
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As she passed over the doors threshold, Nancy was curiously aware of a difference in the atmosphere that surrounded her. What was different? The sun was shining and nothing seemed to be otherwise than securely in place. But little ping-ping sounds seemed to be present. Where were they coming from? She couldn’t see anything flying in the air, but it felt to her as if little bugs were bouncing against her face. What a strange thing.
She had a lot of shopping to today and there certainly was no time to be diverted from her projected schedule. Arranging herself comfortably in the seat of her car, she thought it would be nice to listen to the news on the car radio while she drove to the shopping center. "Things certainly are uptight now," she thought, "the security levels are at their highest range and I need to keep myself informed." She pushed the button that turned on her favorite news station and couldn’t believe what she was hearing, people from all over the city had been calling the radio station reporting the same sensations she had experienced as she walked out of her home. What was this strange thing that is happening? She could be almost fearful, but everything looked normal.
The shopping expedition was over and now she had returned home and had put everything away. There was still one item on her schedule that had not been finished and she must get to it. Nancy, being a very successful writer of magazine articles had to finish a commitment she had made; "This article has been the most difficult one I have ever written" she thought, "I hope I’m not losing my skills." Before going to her keyboard she hoped she could catch something on the television news about the strange occurrences of the day.
"What!?" she muttered to herself, "How can it be?" The news caster was reporting that all over the world the same strange phenomena were occurring that had happened in her city. The top Scientists of the world had been feverishly engaged in efforts to discover what the strange thing was, and they had finally come to the conclusion that the entire world atmosphere was saturated with cyber stuff.
All the letters that form words which we human beings have profusely sent into the atmosphere had taken a solid form and they were filling the space that air inhabits. "Oh my," Nancy thought, "Why would we have not known it would happen?" Cyberspace is a reality and words are a reality and since we know that words have power, we should have expected to create.
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At times,I did feel like you were telling rather than showing. Just a few slight changes like: Nancy heard a ping-ping. She rubbed the side of her face and looked at her hand. It felt like a squashed bug should be there, but it was empty.
Just changing little things like that will draw a picture for your reader and make your good story a fantastic one!
You have a vivid imagination and a delightful sense of humor. I can see you producing outstanding stories in no time at all. Check out Jan's Writing Basics on the forum. She is an asset to writers of all levels.
Again, good job and don't give up. You have wonderful stories inside of you and you're the only one who can tell them. Keep writing.