The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/11/10
Very creative! It would help you to have someone proof your story before entering. Good use of dialogue.
06/11/10
What a unique approach to salvation. I would have liked to hear something more specific about how John - who went to church and read the Bible - denied God's name. But it's a good reminder that we can't take our salvation for granted.
06/14/10
How comforting it is to know that our names are written in that glorious book!
One concern that I have with your story is that it seems to me that the fact it takes place in a library is merely incidental to the story. It could equally well have been set in a church or even in a coffee house. Do keep a close eye on the topic to make sure you stay bang on theme.
Bless you and keep on writing. It's great to be part of the FaithWriters family
This is a touching story and a great way to teach one the way to Jesus.
You had a few editing problems search instead of searched, Lamb needs an apostrophe. But these can be fixed.
Your love and passion for the Lord really shines through in this piece. Good job keep writing as the Lord guides you.
06/16/10
This story is creative and well-presented. Try reading your work out loud (or having someone else read over it) and listen for when a sentence might need shortening or lengthening to keep a flow going. My other editing concerns have already been mentioned, so I'll only say that I hope you continue writing. You have a passion that is lovely to see.
I love the passion of your writing here.

You have a few misplaced and missing words.

I heard this story of (a) man who went to the Library.

I'm certain this will improve as you continue writing and I hope to see more from you.
Your sentences seem to run on a bit and you to check over your spelling. Other than that it is a very creative way to bring a story of salvation into the Challenge Topic. Keep writing. Thank you very much for your story.