The Official Writing Challenge
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Enjoyable plot and really liked your depiction of Mrs. Brown.

In a couple of spots, think you may have inadvertently inserted the name of the wrong person speaking, but overall, I was able to put it together. :)

You definitely have the heart of a writer, so want to encourage you to check out the free writing classes in the forums under "writing". Ann and Jan's lessons have been a real blessing for this writer.

I enjoyed this very much. Although you confused some of the characters speaking you did a very good job with the article. Find a partner that will critique your articles before submission and you will do very well. Keep writing and God bless.
Keep writing, writing, writing! I can tell it's in you! Couple quick suggestions. First, make sure your quotation marks surround only the quote and not "he said" or "she said." I made that very mistake when I first started writing. Second, try to avoid too many "he said" and "she said"s. Most of the time, dialogue can stand on its own. Try using descriptions of various actions to convey who's talking. For example, instead of writing, "What do you want to do today?" Eric asked. "Do you want to go to the store?" Try: Eric looked up from his newspaper. "What do you want to do today? Go to the store?" And when you do need to use "said" and "asked," explore other verbs. Exlaimed, retorted, replied, professed, quipped, whispered, suggested, cautioned, warned, wondered, inquired. Can't wait to read next week's submission! Keep up the hard work!
Oops! *Exclaimed
05/25/10
I enjoy your use of active speech to clothe and to earth the ideas in your story, rather than just narrating, though you need clearer punctuation to balance the pauses within the flow.