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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)

TITLE: Spring Morning
By Heather MacInnis
02/28/10


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Jennie stepped out into the fresh morning air and breathed deeply.

"Thank you, Lord for bringing me here to live in this beautiful place. This is a dream come true."

She swung a small empty bucket back and forth gleefully as she strode to a small red barn--steel roof glinting in the sun.

Inside the barn, she stooped to pet a fluffy black cat rubbing her ankles. A large gentle head stretched out to her over a railing. Jennie patted the nose lovingly. “How’s my sweet little girl? When are we going to get that baby calf of yours? I can hardly wait to start milking you. Fresh milk, fresh berries, fresh veggies . . .”

She turned towards a small caged area in the corner. “. . . and fresh eggs from my sweet chickies. What have you got for me today?”

She hummed quietly as she poured water and grain. She lifted the wooden lid of the nest box to pick up the ten golden eggs waiting for her. As her hand neared the eggs, a small furry face popped out from between the eggs. Two beady eyes gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the window.

“EEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!"


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This article has been read 358 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 03/04/10
Good job at making your readers feel the rustic atmosphere without resorting to adjective abuse.

I'd encourage you to use your full 750 words--this is a fun read, and if you use more words, you can develop characters, plot, etc.
AnneRene' Capp 03/04/10
The atomosphere you painted was definitely a breath of fresh air. The ending....you left me, reeeeeally wanting to what those beady little eyes belonged to! :)
Gina Fifo03/05/10
Your story left me wondering-why was Jenny there. A foster child? Adopted? Moved from the city? I found that part lacking. But it was creative and cute, just a little too short and the mention of someone being happy to be someplace and not the "why" behind it left me wanting.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/08/10
I was yearning for more detail as well. you could easily turn this short piece into a devotion with some scripture reference and a pray. Nice job
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/11/10
Congratulations on the top 15 in your level!