The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
10/09/09
I like the way you revealed the different sides of a little girl's growing character... and how what mattered so much at one point, carried so little weight in her happiness later.
10/11/09
What a sweet ending!

Since you asked for critique: Avoid over-using Libby's name; find more places for pronouns (she or her). Work on varying sentence structure (more complex, longer sentences). Be sure that your dialogue actually sounds like the way real people talk. Finally, find a more compelling title to draw readers in.

I appreciate your asking for critique...your writing is fine in the basics, and will improve more and more as you learn from other writers on this site.
10/11/09
I think this is a great story. My only real critique is that in the beginning, Libby doesn't really seem to talk like an eight-year-old. She didn't seem like the same kid as the one who was later begging her parents for the dress.
10/14/09
I 'red' and enjoyed it, because you've gently taken us to the twist at the tail. Keeping your ideas clear will help your syntax to develop while keeping it in line. To express a great thought - however awkwardly -is always better than using literary skill to say very little.