Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hard and Soft (04/23/09)
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TITLE: Fergus Gets the Girl | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jan Ackerson
04/28/09 -
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As the men neared Calinor, they found the road festooned with bright banners of welcome, and Tremayne noted with a stab of joy that his name had been spelled correctly on each one.
Inside the castle gates, there was a flurry of activity—weary horses were stabled, menservants appeared to help Tremayne into his purple silk tights, and curious cats were whisked aside by busy workers carrying jugs and trays. When Tremayne had waxed his mustache into a perfect spiral, a yellow-jacketed servant led him to the Great Hall. Fergus followed several paces behind.
The Great Hall held a long, oaken dining table, at the end of which sat King Horace and the slender and beautiful Princess Madeleine. Tremayne strode forward and bowed deeply. “King Horace, it is a fortunate day, for at the end of it, I shall claim your daughter as my prize.” There was no response, so Tremayne cleared his throat and started again. “KING HORACE, IT IS A FORTUNATE…”
The king snorted. “Don’t shout, boy, I’m not deaf, I was sleeping. I’ve heard this all before—blah blah, beautiful Madeleine, blah blah, half my kingdom. Have some bread and wine before your test starts, and let’s get this over with.”
Stewards brought refreshment. Tremayne drank deeply from his goblet before biting into a heel of bread. “Faugh!” he said, “this bread is too hard!” He snapped his fingers, and Fergus appeared. Silently, Fergus pinched off all the pieces of crust, tucking them into his tunic.
Princess Madeleine looked up, surprised.
With the light repast finished, a small riding party was formed for an excursion into the countryside. As they saddled their mounts, Fergus tossed the bread crusts to a bony hound that danced around the horses’ hooves.
The princess hid a smile behind her slender fingers.
Before the group reached the castle gates, Tremayne called out “Halt!” and hopped from his steed. “Fergus, you’ve saddled her too softly—I wobble. Fix it!” Fergus dismounted, removed a blanket from under Tremayne’s saddle, then tightened all the straps. As the party set off again, Fergus tossed the blanket to an old woman, begging at the gates.
Madeleine appeared to stifle a giggle.
After a few leisurely hours, the riders reached a lovely, verdant clearing. Princess Madeleine’s lady-in-waiting, a solemn girl of fifteen named Becca, worked with Fergus to spread a richly-embroidered cloth on the grass. Fruit, cheese, and chocolates were produced from Becca’s pony’s saddlebags.
The maidservant settled Madeleine onto a quilted pillow while Tremayne removed his sword and lowered himself to the cloth. “Zounds!” he cried. “Fergus, this ground is too hard! What a fool you were to give away that saddle blanket!” Wordlessly, Fergus removed his tunic and rolled it up, positioning it under Tremayne’s purple-clad buttocks. For the rest of the meal, he stood shivering in his undergarment.
Madeleine stared at him between nibbles of cheese.
Birds twittered, breezes wafted—and some time during the fruit course, Tremayne made an un-princely sound. “Blecch! There’s a soft spot in this apple! Fergus, take this from my sight!” Fergus quickly grabbed a more satisfactory apple from the bowl and rescued the horrified prince. As Madeleine watched in wonder, he took a small silver knife from his belt, sliced off the bruised spot—and with a wink, offered the apple to Becca.
Madeleine had held her emotions inside all day, but this last act couldn’t be ignored. She leaned toward Tremayne and said, with her mouth full of grapes, “What kind of idiot is this?”
***
Tremayne and Madeleine were wed the next day—the princess looking beautiful but skinny, all pointy angles and a certain hardness of spirit which was shared by her heartless groom. As they said their vows, each was scheming…How can I get both kingdoms?
Becca rode back to Robovia with Fergus—who practically leaped off his horse and into the arms of his wife, the charming Theresa, soft everywhere the princess was hard. As Theresa cradled Fergus in her ample bosom, she looked over his shoulder and laughed. Becca was riding into view.
“Mama!” sang Becca, “I’m home!”
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you aren't capable of a "worst story ever!" This one is a delight with the contrast between hard hearts, hard bony angles and the soft welcoming bosom of the wife at home.
Lovely fun to read.
Mona
Case in point: this is NOT your worst piece yet. I loved the twist. You had me with the thinking the Princess would choose Fergus. HA! Great story! Great twist!
Clever and FUN and wonderful little details.
I'm with Mona- blah blah blah... made me smile.
Great stuff, Jan.
This line was a favorite: 'As the men neared Calinor, they found the road festooned with bright banners of welcome, and Tremayne noted with a stab of joy that his name had been spelled correctly on each one.' :D
I do wonder, though, why the princess let Becca go back home with her father Fergus. I wish you'd had more words left to expand it a bit, as I love stories set in medieval times!
Great job! :)
First of all, I should have known that there would be a twist since you taught us not to reveal the ending in the title. It did make me very curious and I was assuming (as I sure you wanted me to) that the princess was falling for Fergus. I loved the ending and the extra, extra twist of him bringing back their daughter. Perfect! I loved it, I loved it!