The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/21/09
You have written the words that are on my heart often; I believe others as well.

I have been greatly encouraged reading this. Honestly!
03/23/09
I know the feeling you describe so well! Your vivid descriptions are excellent!
03/23/09
Very well crafted. Raw & honest emotions made for a good read and one that most of us can relate to. Bravo!
Great descriptive work. A picture of how we all feel from time to time. Well written!
03/25/09
Well written. I enjoyed reading this piece and could readily relate.
03/25/09
You have a strong command of the written word. I look forward to reading more of your entries.
03/25/09
Excellent expressions written so very well. Soft and warm and real. I found this entry to be very well done, good content and beautiful writing.

mona
03/25/09
Outstanding! Thank you for sharing this intimate time so colorfully. Most, if not all, of us have been in that same place.
03/29/09
Lovely and encouraging.

Tips:

1)Although this is lovely I think you probably got docked for creativity.

2)Thoughts are best indicated in italics. It helps to break it up and it gives some texture to the piece.

Get a grip, Kit. You go through this every single morning- ...etc.

Is she praying out loud in the first prayer? Either way, I think it should be indicated. When it is in italics the reader knows it is inward.

She probably isn't praying out loud in the shower? (never know) :)

3)Missing word here
extension of MY very being.
(that's very easy to do. Even Masters do that sometimes)

4)Watch what you say. Say what you mean.
"I love to stand under the water as it gently rolls over my mind." If water is rolling over your mind .. you're in trouble!;)

& I loved the butterfly/thoughts simile, but why did you add 'bright spring day'?
Isn't 'bright, spring day' opposite to the mood you are trying to convey?

Just some thoughts and only my opinion.
Hope this helps some.

Do not be discouraged at all, AT ALL, Kathryn. (read *Seek Me* for some encouragement!)
You did very well and obviously have a real feel for language.

Just keep writing, girl. Keep writing! :)