The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/15/09
How interesting to read about that terrible from the POV of someone in another country!
01/15/09
VERY touching! Thanks for sharing your feeling of that horrible day from a non-USA resident perspective. Your empathy is so dear to read.
On a personal note: It is refreshing to hear words of encouragement from a non-USA resident. Thank you for your prayers.

Now for the story: There seems to be a brief tense shift about midway through, it could be just me though. However, this is overall a good entry.
01/20/09
I think you did a really good job.

I'm not sure how you know the front door burst open. Can you see it from the patio? Hear it?

Instead of just saying I will never forget the horror and sadness we felt.. try to describe how you did feel.
Showing through dialog “How could this have happened?” Mandy asked, crying... is good and creates a feeling of atmosphere for the reader.

I repeat... I think you did a really good job :)




Thanks for all your kind comments. It was a very traumatic and sad day and we were all deeply affected. As to how did I know the door burst open, apart from the slamming of their car doors and the sound of running feet to get to the door, the dogs just added to it all with their joyous barking welcome! Chaos reigned. lol Norms
This was an extremely inspirational article for me. To see this terrible event through the eyes of someone from another country - and with such a heartfelt response - uplifting. Thank you. :)
01/21/09
Very touching piece! I appreciated reading your experience and thoughts of that terrible day! I also liked the quote by Madame Guyon! Thank you so much for sharing this!
01/22/09
Definitely well written and heartfelt! I loved hearing this from a non-USA perspective. Thank you.
01/22/09
CONGRATULATIONS on your 2nd place win for this wonderful story! :)
01/24/09
Hi Norms, well done on a well deserved 2nd place. Love to Dave and the girls, Ken.