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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bridge (07/31/08)
I’m not speaking to you anymore! What kind of friend are you…not calling me on my birthday?
I’m going to build a wall. I don’t even want to look at you.

Slap, Thunk

You probably were talking about me with your other friends.

Slap, Thunk

You can keep your stupid, ugly friends!

Slap, Thunk

Hey…what do think you’re doing? That’s a stupid looking wall.
Well, mine is going to be bigger and taller than yours.

Slap, Thunk

What are you using anyway? Your wall looks shimmery and shiny. Those are dumb looking bricks. Do you want one of mine? They are hard and strong and with sharp corners.

Whizzzzz… Scrape

Did that feel good? Well, that’s how I felt. Why don’t you say anything, instead of kneeling among those silly things and crying? Don’t you care that I’m mad at you?

Slap, Thunk

Hey…yours is leaning. Get away from my wall. Go away! Leave me alone!

Whizzzzz… Boing

Hey…my brick bounced off your wall, didn’t even make a dent. I’ll show you; I’m going to build mine to the sky, so I never have to talk to you ever again!

Slap, Thunk, Slap, Thunk

How’d you get above me? Is SomeOne helping you? Hey…your wall is tipping over on me!

Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop

Your bubbly bricks are popping on mine. They’re dissolving my wall! What kind of powerful solution is in those bubbles?

Hmmmm…this one has some words on it: I AM SORRY

Hmph! What’s this one say? SMILE, I LOVE YOU

YOU ARE MY FRIEND

REMEMBER WHEN WE MADE LICORICE JELLYBEAN COOKIES?

I MISS YOU

WILL YOU COME OVER FOR A GAME OF SCRABBLE?

Sigh…

There’s not much left of my wall. Yours has bent right over it and bridged the gap.
I miss you, too. I’ll be over soon…on the new pathway between us.
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This article has been read 1934 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
08/08/08
Clever and very descriptive and creative. Neat imagery.
Pat Guy
08/11/08
I loved this illustration. I can sooo see it as a teen drama. Really. This made me feel good. :)
LauraLee Shaw
08/11/08
Your creativity blew me away. The repetition and the variations of the sounds were quite effective to build to the perfect ending.
william price
08/11/08
Ha creative and tangy like a fresh grapefruit.
Great, fresh writing to make your message memorable. Super job! God bless.
Shirley McClay
08/11/08
Oh wow... excellent imagery. Makes me want to build that sparkly wall myself!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
08/11/08
You're creativity is amazing. I love the dialogue here.
Mariane Holbrook
08/12/08
This is so creative it blew me away. You have the teen thing right down pat! Great piece! Kudos!!
Joshua Janoski
08/12/08
What a creative take on this week's topic. A very good illustration of what building walls does to us and the power of kind words.
Beckie Stewart
08/13/08
Very cute and creative take to the topic. I enjoyed your writing.
Karen Wilber
08/13/08
I like all the "slap-thunk-boing" in this one--made it fun. I kept trying to figure out how to dramatize this. Could make a really cute skit.
Carole Robishaw 
08/13/08
I enjoyed reading this, you did a really good job!
Betty Castleberry
08/13/08
Very creative. Realistic voice for teens, which is how I pictured your characters. Nicely done.
Lyn Churchyard
08/13/08
I loved all the sound effects. This was a very, very creative entry. Love certainly built a bridge here between two friends. Yes, I think she might have had help from "Someone".

Umm Licorice Jellybean Cookies???
Sara Harricharan
08/13/08
Ooooh! LOVED this! The imagery is good and I can definitely relate to this-as I'm sure others can. I loved the italics, how you used them and the bubbles. LOL-very fun way to get to the topic. This is a favorite of mine this week! ^_^
Marlene Austin
08/13/08
A wall and bridge of bubbles - amazing! Great imagination. :)
Helen Dowd
08/13/08
Too bad adults can't mend their bridges as easily. Good object lessons for us who are older and have bridges that have holes...Just had one happen. It hurts....If only...Oh well, "Someone" can mend the bridge. We have left it in His hands....Thanks for the lesson....Helen
Dee Yoder
08/14/08
Beautiful imagery, Yvonne. I love the idea that we can dissolve our walls with powerful solutions of forgiveness and remembered acts of love.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/19/16
Oh I love this. What a brilliant idea, turning a wall into a bridge. I loved the inner dialog or maybe it was meant to be spoken aloud,but either way, it developed an amazing character.

The onomatopeia was perfect. It added so much to the story. I enjoy reading older stories. It's nice to see how the writer grows. You were brilliant 8 years ago, and even more so now.

I bet you noticed the exclamation points when you reread them and thought you should cut some out because you don't need them. Your great word choice does the exclaiming for you. I loved your variety of onomatopeia too, even the hmm and humph in the actual dialog.

You are so talented. If you've never done anything with this story, I think you should. I'm sure you didn't originally plan it as a picture or early chapter book, but since that's my favorite genre, I tend to lean in that direction. I could see this as a best seller if you had the right illustrator. I can't help you with the drawings, but if there is anything I can do to help you, I'd be delighted. I'd love to read this to my granddaughter when she's a bit bigger.