The Official Writing Challenge
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05/15/08
Awww, so glad that Belle was able to finally get Uncle Wil to see the connection between the two of them! I'm so happy that they were able to finally get married at the end too-this was nice! ^_^
05/15/08
You tell a great story. This is sweet.
05/19/08
Glad he got the girl at the end!

A few issues: you have some inconsistent tenses throughout, and I'd have liked to know why he called his potential father-in-law Uncle Wil.

You don't need the disclaimer at the end; it detracts from the piece.

This is sweet and a little bit tart--a nice combination.
Glad your MC knew what he wanted and stuck to it. I like how you used time to help move the story along.
I enjoyed this story very much, as Jan said, a few minor problems, but the story was good and it's nice to see your MC win his girl. Well done.
This was a cute story, but since the first grammatical error was made in the second sentence, that distracted from it. I too was distracted by him calling his future FIL "uncle". Kept waiting for an explanation for it. This is a great start and you have a very creative way of writing and should keep writing.
05/22/08
AUTHOR'S COMMENT: Thank you for your valuable feedback. This article has been written from a part of Asia where it is customary and respectful to address future in-laws as uncles and aunts, so the reason for 'Uncle Wil' in this story is purely cultural. For your information only.