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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
It was ten before six
When my brother of twelve
Convinced me who was
Four years younger than he
That I should be the one
To make the crawl
Toward the unlighted tree
His only words before my deploy
"Wait for the heater to flicker its light"
"Then you can be sure you get one for me"
As I started the crawl my
Stomach knotting
Throat going dry my
Wobbling knees inching slowly
With eyes opened wide
In a room, still dark
It seemed like forever
Before quivering fingers
Touched ribbon and paper
Sitting and listening
For the heater to flicker
Surrounded by silence
And blackness to boot
The knots getting tighter
The hair on my neck
Giving a salute
Jerking my head and
Arching my back
At the click of the flicker
Bringing some light
Frozen in time
But not for long
"O don't let me get caught"
Ears perking up
Was that daddy
No, Al, whispering loudly
"Hurry up Mary"
"Have you got one for me?"
Snatching two from beneath the tree
I hurried on back
Feeling slick
I showed Al my catch
This round went smoothly
Or so I thought
Al was not pleased
Both gifts were for me
Al, sent me again
Into that dreaded, delight
I looked this way and that
There was nothing to see
No flickering light
To guide me
To plunder
Through the mass beneath
The unlighted tree
This time I grabbed only one
Scurrying on back to
The room where he waited
Thrilled with my choice
This one was for him
He prodded me along
To try once again
Only the older can do as he did
He convinced the younger
To crawl to her doom
The light on the heater
Flickered off real quick
And I hurried on past
To the unlighted tree
Picked up a package and
Waited impatiently
For the heater to click
And the flicker to light
That I might see
If this one was for me
When a voice from beyond
Called out in the dark
"Get into that bed till
It's no longer night!"
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
09/14/07
Cute story!

This poem's structure confused me a bit--it looks like free verse, but there were occasional, irregular rhymes...the lack of punctuation slowed me down a bit, too.

This would make a great prose story!
Laury Hubrich 
09/18/07
"Al was not pleased
Both gifts were for me" That's my favorite line.
Laury