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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Writing (01/11/07)

TITLE: Lifesaver!
By Joanney Uthe


Your poetry has saved your life
From the pain of your childhood strife.
Suicide you may have committed,
If to this writing form you had not submitted.

I did not always understand my friendís poems,
Her vocabulary oft as unfamiliar as Jeroboamís.
Yet, I understood what her therapist meant,
Writing is therapy when you use it to lament.

Too many siblings for comprehension,
Didnít leave time for personal attention.
Only one thing I could do right,
If I wrote a poem, theyíd think Iím bright.

Sharing negative feelings didnít fair well,
So on paper, my pains I learned to tell.
But if someone discovered my journal,
My life at home became infernal.

So my poem topics turned to worse
As I learned to journal in verse.
Though my message may be tragic,
They would like it, Ďcuz poetry was magic.

I made it through hard times,
By writing simple rhymes.
Mourning when my grandpa died,
A poem of memories while I cried.

I got through life with an alcoholic,
By writing poems that were symbolic,
Or straight-forward and to the point.
Whatever way my pain I could disjoint.

Eventually my poems gave way,
To a Friend who was here to stay.
By my side through think and thin,
He died on the cross because of my sin.

My pains I no longer need to hide,
Their sword also pierced His side.
My writing took a long vacation
While I learned about salvation.

Now I feel called to create,
And this call cannot wait.
Whether it a poem or story,
I need to write it for His glory.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 01/19/07
You have some awesome rhymes here, and it's a very meaningful poem. Work a bit on establishing a more consistent meter, and your poetry will really soar--you've definitely got the gift. You just need to hone the craft, now.
Joanne Sher 01/21/07
Definitely love the message of this, and you have some very strong lines. I agree with Jan - if you work a bit on meter, making it a bit more consistent, this would flow better and make a good piece great!
Betty Castleberry01/21/07
Great message. I really like the last stanza. I, too, agree, a little work on the meter would make this awesome. All in all, good job. Thanks for sharing.
Marilee Alvey01/21/07
Quite a touching, meaningful statement of the pain you endured and how you managed before the Savior! Study meter and rhyme and I'll see you in the winner's circle! (I have never written poetry because I'm too lazy, I guess, to study meter and rhyme! Maybe if you do, you'll inspire me!)
Sara Harricharan 01/24/07
This is pretty good, I think the title fits pretty well. The first two verses were kind of awkward taking away from the flow-maybe tighten them up just a bit? Otherwise, I liked this, especially the ending. :)
Loren T. Lowery01/24/07
This is a wonderful testament of a loving Father who has given you a gift to help lift you from pain. I agree with the others about the meter, etc., but the message, well the message was powerful and uplifting!
Julie Arduini01/24/07
Poetry is not my strength but I just want to say anyone who can put Jeroboam in a poem and make it rhyme has my respect! Well done.
Edy T Johnson 01/25/07
Joanney, I found you! And, I really relish this poem.

You have the heart of a poet, for sure. I agree with Julie. You have a genuine gift for making remarkable rhymes!

I really appreciate the message that comes through your words, too, very "On Target!" for the challenge topic. While I see the discipline of writing poetry good for the writer of prose, too (finding the one best verb, rather than relying on lots of adjectives), you have given me more to think about: how to describe painful things via the obscurity in poems.

As for rhythm and meter: My "secret" is to count syllables and apply accent marks, so I can compare stanza and verse to tell if one of my poems sails smoothly across the floor, whether in a waltz meter, or a polka trot!

Thank you, too, dear Friend, for your generous comments on my writing.