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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Valley (08/10/06)

TITLE: Seventeen Is A Valley
By Sara Harricharan
08/16/06


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Sixteen going on seventeen
There’s a gap somewhere
In between

Wake up in the morning
Greet a sunrise
Send a smile upwards
Just one day left

She’s counted the days
Down to the minutes
Can hardly wait
But can’t really rush it

Sweet sixteen
Was pure bliss
A treasure from above
Her Heavenly Father’s gift

A year of her own
Filled with laughter
And feelings so deep
Welling up within her

The memory of sixteen
So alive and vibrant
Like the sounds
Of rushing winds
Blowing past the gates
Filling a void
In the canyon of her heart
To rebuild a bridge
Trying to fall apart

She’s changing slowly
Mostly quietly
Staying in the shadows
Growing up silently
Perhaps unsure
Of what she wanted
That is now so near

Sixteen was great
Bubbling with brightness
Brimming with songs
Stuffed full of energy
Seventeen was bright
It sounded happy
She couldn’t wait to get there
Her big moment
Is hours away
Her heart wishes forgetful
Time has galloped past
On Thoroughbred of fire
Leaving behind a charred track

Looming ominously
Dangerously close
She’s slipping and falling
In a foggy nightmare
Walls on every side
Hemming her in
Rough-hewn and jagged
Precise edges chiseled
Along the top
Many cracks
Decorating the sides

Seventeen is a valley
That’s swallowed her whole
Holding her captive
To a life of old
Refusing to let go
Daring her to change
To escape to her world
And remain the same

Hope can whisper
All it wants
Shine its beacon
Into the depths
Maybe she’ll see
There is a difference
One that will take
Her deepest commitment

Seventeen is a valley
One of adventure
Changing a young girl
To the woman she truly is

Firm, but immoveable
Like the love
That’s followed her
A valley deep and empty
For the emotions of a lifetime
To flood without fear
Natural and perfect beauty
Just like her
Handprint of her creator
“Happy birthday my dear”

It may be scary
Terrifying at first
But it all gets better
Through a never-ending thirst
To want to know more
The love for life
Fledgling of hope
Flying in the night

She is steadied from above
Comforted with a Father’s love
Stretching, reaching
Across the void
To touch the other side
Through the window
In her mind


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This article has been read 1092 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/17/06
This does a beautiful job of capturing the ups and downs of being a teenager.
Corinne Smelker08/22/06
This was really good. I have a teen who will turn 17 in less than 3 months and I think you captured the emotional rollercoaster really well!
Sue Dent08/22/06
You certainly have a knack for this style of writing. I hope you place. But there are soooo many entries in beginners!! My goodness! Yet even if you don't place, this is most excellent and does do a very good job of putting some of us back to what it was like!!!! And reminding others.
Joanne Sher 08/22/06
Great description of the ups and downs of being a teenager. You have some wonderful images here!! Brought me back to my teenage years!
Brenda Kern 08/23/06
You have a good style and a poet's heart.

The thoughts here were a little jumbled, with a handful of changes in tense adding to the confusion for the reader.

Perhaps reorganize this, concentrating a little more on the progression (maybe chronological?).

Good entry, and keep writing!
Teri Wilson08/23/06
Bravo for you!! Extremely creative take on the valley theme. Excellent writing.
Jacquelyn Horne05/02/07
Wonderful transformation of a teen. Deep and yet soft and fleeting.